O.m.g. He Changes The Story Again

They always say they're going to be the nice guy... until they realize that you are really leaving. Then they are pissed and want their pound of flesh and then some.



Make sure you have the bank records to show what you have paid and that he did not support you at all during your unemployment. I'd recommend seeing an attorney before you saw the mediator since they are not supposed to take sides and may try to push you more towards the middle ground of a settlement. An attorney can tell you pretty much exactly what your percentages and chances in court will be. Definitely worth a few hundred bucks.

You're beyond the stage of discussing this between yourselves: take it to a more formal forum. Do lawyers do collaborative law in your jurisdiction? That may be one option.



Paying lawyers is usually money badly spent, unless there's a potential profit at the end of it (and this doesn't look like it).



Negotiate for a clean break, so that no payments are needed after the split. Emphasise a division of assets that will provide for each party in the future, rather than raking over past contributions. Otherwise, you'll get stuck in endless recriminations.

Zsu, most people don't realize a marriage is also a business partnership and all assets acquired during the marriage are deemed marital assets, and therefore are equally split. It doesn't matter if it's a husband salting away 400k in his personal IRAs and real estate in his name alone, while his wife stays home and "contributes nothing" to the bottom line, or the other way around. The fact is, the less earning power he had or has, the more you will have to contribute to the dissolution of the partnership. Johnny Carson found this out the hard way. Bear in mind all debt is also equally shared , so if you have outstanding credit cards, mortgage debt or student loans, he will also owe that debt. Keep this in mind when you are negotiating, try not to think of it as him taking your earnings~ just paying off a silent partner to own your business outright~ lawyers may be needed but will add to the costs~ good luck~

Figure out a way to use his delay to your advantage.

So...similarly...my X wanted spousal support and wanted to be in my pocket for the rest of my life. This was potentially going to happen since we had been married the magical "20 years". Now - we hit the 20 year mark AFTER i filed for divorce, but he did enough to delay the proceedings so that the magical number was surpassed.



He wanted all of the retirement. He wanted spousal support. He had quit working full time the last 2 years of our marriage. He started to make noise about going for "disability".



I could have gotten a better deal if I had gone to court - but I had already racked up $12.5K in divorce costs. I gave him the retirement, said no effin way to spousal support and we got the deal done.



It's bitter as the pill is to swallow...but I'd get an attorney...get a real estimate of what it would cost to take it to court...and offer him half of that to go away. That is my advice. Best of luck.

You cannot talk to this man at all. He lives in his own self centered reality. Go to court

Whenever I want to feel good about leaving my wife, I just go back and read some of the proposed settlement agreements her attorney presented to me. They are completely laughable and so far removed from legal reality that I always end up in tears of laughter and infinitely grateful that I got out when I did.



And then I whisper dirty things in my GF's ear and screw her silly.

A passive-aggressive genius. Yea, an artist of the highest order.

Zsu, Baz is right. You two must go to mediation. He doesn't sound like he is in any shape to negotiate a settlement, and it doesn't sound like he has legal counsel (or if he does, he's ignoring it). Stop yelling, just arrange the mediation. Tell him he will be treated fairly.



Sending you supportive thoughts.

Do whatever you have to do to rid yourself of this parasite or he will keep you in poverty all the days of your life. This alone is reason enough for divorce!



Princess HeMustGo

Being unemployed could be seriously to your advantage when you get divorced because if you make more money than he does in some places they might make you pay him spousal support which would really bite your butt. It's going to cost you to get rid of this ******* but it's one of those cases where you just have to bite the bullet and suffer the sharp pain to get it over with then hope the bastard gets hit by a car coming out of the courthouse. I'll make a VooDoo Doll and start poking pins in it for you if that will help who knows maybe it will. Let me know if he develops any sharp pains. Muhahahaha.

I have made up a spreadsheet showing what he's contributed in terms of mortgage/rent, vs. what I've put in in terms of EVERYTHING - will bring that forward tomorrow.



Not to mention that I've been UNEMPLOYED LIVING OFF MY SAVINGS for 3 months & EI before that - so 1/2 salary - AND HE HAS NOT STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE DURING THIS TIME WITH ANY ADDED FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE!!!!!

Court mediation sounds necessary due to his incredibly unrealistic views....

This HAS to go before an objective 3rd party.



The ideal scenario of two adults amicably working it out is no more.



Tread your own path.