Starting To Realize My Wife Abused Me

Okay, my wife left a couple weeks ago, and the time has been painful, chaotic, lonely, busy, and tiring.

But I'm reading alot and talking alot. I am recalling all the times she called me names, out of spite. "Gay" was a favorite of hers, because she thought I didnt want to have sex with her. No, I didnt want to have sex when she was being abusive or drunk. I am attracted to the female body.

Asking me if I can "get it up" when getting ready to have sex. Why would someone ask this? I had one (1) episode after drinking heavily, why does it come up every time after?

She gets angry if I don't make dinner. She refuses to wash dishes. Makes the kids do stuff for her instead, her "slaves" as she says. Get her water, get her book, get her the phone.

Me and the kids are not her slaves. We do these things to make her happy, but it doesn't make her happy, just avoids wicked behavior for a minute.

Now she is gone, and I really am at the point where I do not want to see her at all. I am afraid that she will start a fight or pick on me or something. Exchanging our daughter seems to work best if I don't have to see her.

I am not that subserviant, I don't want to be. She is ill alot for various things, nothing life threatening, but ruin the fun in life. Sometimes I wonder if she is sick just to avoid work, or helping around the house.

Then once in a while she will go on a terror of cleaning, and rearranging, and cleaning, and is sure to call her family and her friends and tell her how busy she is cleaning. I just shake my head thinking "I clean almost every day".

But now she is gone. I am no longer her slave. I am free. I enjoy my time alone with my daughter immensely. I am starting to be happy, for short moments, that the monster is gone.
Charlie51 Charlie51
41-45, M
10 Responses Jul 6, 2012

Thanks for the responses. Its been over 5 months and although the divorce proceedings still bring me down my life is going on. Money is as tight as when I was in college, but thanks to family I am doing fine. And I have started meeting women again... wonderful people... and wondering how I got suckered into marrying my stbx. But she wasn't the monster she became when I met her... she just became that 1 day at a time over 6 years. I am not perfect, but she has some astounding issues; makes me just shake my head.

I guess I was afraid of being alone, or failing in a relationship. Time has passed some now, and I understand that this was not a good relationship, and she would have driven me crazy or killed me.<br />
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I still miss what we had. It sucks being alone in a quiet house that used to be crowded and noisy. But I'm doing things with friends and keeping busy. Each day is a baby step. I know some days will be steps backwards, too.<br />
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I am my own person. I did everything to make her happy and she wasn't, and she never made me happy, and I wasn't. Time to make a new future.

Sounds bipolar

Congratulations Charlie; you are healing from abuse...NOT wanting her sexually was something that she couldn't "put on herself" ; she had to BLAME YOU for her inability to maintain a decent relationship with you. Sounds like you and your daughter are doing well...GOOD FOR YOU!!! I am so happy to hear a "happy" story here...

Wahay!<br />
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Change the door locks, put burglar-proof shutters over the down-stair windows. Brief your daughter again on the protocols about not answering the door to strangers, never mind letting them in.<br />
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It's two days beyond Independence Day but don't let that stop you celebrating.<br />
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P.S. Buy those dinky little foam earplugs for you and your daughter when she comes knocking on the door at 3.00 am in another drunken stupor. The cops will sort her out, although the neighbours might not love you. If they complain just play ignorant; noise, what noise?

If you could run away with the kids and not leave a forwarding address, now that would be awesome.

Eventually you will start to doubt yourself, DONT DO IT! It took a long time for you to break free now run and find happiness!!!

I was afraid of divorce. Now I'm more afraid she will come back. I think I'm getting somewhere...

DO NOT let the monster back in the door!

Call a divorce lawyer. <br />
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50% chance that she cheated on you and what you endured is the chaos of an evil person wrestling with morality. <br />
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100% that she does not love you. <br />
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99% that she never really loved you ever from the start. <br />
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Take your own chances!

Jurisdiction dependent, you could be holding a real good hand here.<br />
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Get yourself off to a lawyer pronto, and stitch this up as quick as you can.<br />
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Tread your own path.