Post

Cheap Date With Expensive Tastes

I am the better half of thirty. Best years behind me I am sure. I've been married for 14 years and lived in a sexless marriage for at least 9 of them. Don't know what happened really or why.

The prison I live in has no bars or barbed wire, no tall fences and thus no means of escape. Only temporary oases of numbness and daydreams of happier times or hope that perhaps things will someday change for the better

I find my moments of forgetfulness while watching the rivers and streams flow past during walks with my faithful pal Boone the Boxer Dog. But sometimes that's not enough so I've found a new hobbie that seems to help pass the time, drinking.

Use to never drink before. Now it's my other good friend. No cold bottle ever gave me the cold shoulder. My favorite thing to do is listen to Jazz and get lit with a bottle of wine. Did some time with coke and rum until I had a bad experience with a hang over. Friends told me that rum was especially hard on you the day after so now I'm primarily a wino of sorts.

I find adventure in experiencing different kinds and lately my tastes have grown more high brow as I've become rather smitten with campaigns and sparkling wines. Asti Martini is my favorite. Yes I'm a cheap date with expensive tastes.

Only problem is once you crack a bottle, you've got to finish it and a bottle is a little much for a lightweight who drinks alone.

I would love to hear your wine suggestions as well as your favorite jazz tunes. Help this celebate spouse find his way into the vapors until he fades into the nothingness of age or at least into the mist of another empty bottle
IDontWantToWaitInVain IDontWantToWaitInVain 36-40, M 12 Responses Jul 7, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

I'm partial to a good French Syrah Rosee when in season.<br />
<br />
Tonight I had a 1/2 glass of a bad Rose ha ha, still learning how to pick them.<br />
<br />
I go through this about 1-2x/month too, glass of wine & feeling sorry for myself. <br />
<br />
Then I pick myself up, look at the kids, and move on. Hope you will too. <br />
<br />
The music is there sober too sweetie.

I feel you. I don't know what I'm doing. I just look at the points they give the wines. If I see a 90 that costs $35.00 and an 89 thats going for $17.99, I pick up the 89 and call it good. But then sometimes I get home and it's not so good lol.

The fog you are trying to dull the pain with will dissipate and that's the problem because music is nice but you will find that after a while it just doesn't fill the emptiness in your life that having a partner that cares about you enough to be intimate with you would fill. You will also find that alcohol has a very limited ability as an anesthetic for the pain. Somewhere along the line you will begin to question things and then it will become clear that life is short and you are wasting precious time with the Snow Queen. Then you might actually have a serious talk and tell her she can either get serious about the relationship or you are moving on (The infamous TALK). Then when she fails to do anything constructive about it because she believes you haven't got the balls it will be up to you. Do you have the balls to get a life for yourself or will you waste away being a minion for the Snow Queen providing whatever she wants at the cost of your soul? Lots of people do that and end up dying after a miserable life spent living jumping through someones hoops instead of living their own life. So while you are listening to your music why not be planning your escape.

@anastasiagrey, Now that's the $#!T I'm talking about. I'm going to try a little Pinot Grigio next weekend. I used to never drink before. Never. So my understanding of what taste good, what does the job pretty much sucks. I can't afford anything too expensive. Have to admit, I like the girly drinks like Mike's Hard Limeade and such. Love me some Asti Martini.<br />
<br />
Tried some cabernet sauvignon this weekend. Not to shabby, but it wasn't as good to me as the Rosa Sparking Red I had last weekend. Wish I could remember exactly what kind it was... perhaps it was a little too good lol.<br />
<br />
Thanks for the music suggestion. I'll have to check that out. I used to just turn on KUER at night and listen to their playlists but I never paid any attention to the song titles or the artists. Just loved listening to the music. Now I'm on the hunt to build my own collection.<br />
<br />
It's a great way to spend your nights when you've got nothing better to do if you know what I mean.

bloody sensors... Miles Davis B**ches Brew is a great album...

Miles Davis...A Night in Tunisia with Pinot Grigio...thinking of fun things to do with the bottle...<br />
<br />
Then put on ******* Brew, pretend you're some hot slightly warped detective and go out there and find yourself some love and live your life! Your best years are not behind you and they aren't in that bottle either. I wish you lots of luck...I seriously love Jazz too x

I will let others answer the rest of it but I can assure you that at 30, your best years are not behind you. I am very nearly twice that and I am still having a great time. I keep learning ( I still take classes) and I keep finding new challenges (My latest class was a rock climbing class) and now I regularly go hiking and rock climbing with my girlfriend. My wife and I still have a lot of fun too.<br />
<br />
You are responsible for your own happiness and sometimes you have to get creative to find a path that is worth treading.

Ha ha, that's awesome bro. The part about your girlfriend and wife that is.

You know, I want to let the folks here know that just because I am dead set on not stepping out on my wife, doesn't mean I look down on those of you who do. You gals either. To each their own. Live and let live. It's just not the path I've chosen.

Great work on the rock climbing. That's truly amazing. I myself study the Martial Arts and never tire of learning new things and re-learning old. I love meeting new people that share that passion and other interests of mine.

Where are all you all from by the way. No specifics. Just states. I hail from Utah.

I'm not going to say that Divorce is off the table but it doesn't really interest me for whatever reason right now. What does is a little cabernet sauvignon accompanied by some "But Beautiful" by Shirley Horn. It's a hard combination to beat. I'm gonna chase it with a little Miles Davis "King of Blue" later on. Love my bottle and jazz.<br />
<br />
Any more wine or music suggestions out there?

Hey man. Lets go over some options - <br />
<br />
I'm like you, someone who places a good deal of importance on being a good man. The funny thing about this, is it can have bad consequences. Some things to consider: <br />
<br />
#1. When your brain tell you things like you'd be better off dead, it is simply factually incorrect. I've been wrong about alot of things. But, unless you have guilt over doing horrible things that merit death penalty in the court of law....then your brain is simply wrong. The brain is very resistant to change. You are in pain because your brain refuses to accept what your body tells you - it is time to leave. I think of those kind of thoughts like a marker for change. When they come up, it is time for MAJOR change. <br />
<br />
#2. Like you, I didn't cheat. And I drank. I'm a pretty good drinker now because of it. I can kill a decent amount of alcohol and not be drunk. If I want to be drunk, I'd have to drink dangerous amounts of alcohol. I'm no alcoholic, but if I were a different sort of person, I would have become one. If I had stayed in my marriage, I would have ended up an alcoholic...when you drink to cope, eventually you WILL be an alcoholic, even if it takes years. <br />
<br />
#3. Your prison is an illusion. You are only held by your desire to be there. When you finally reach for the bars on the cell, you will find they were only a hologram. You are about at the point of hanging yourself in a cell that isn't even locked. It seems you recognize this already. <br />
<br />
#4. Children. Yes, children. Something to consider: if there is no affection in your marriage, your children will adapt that as normal. When they get married, they will end up repeating your same situation, on one side or the other. Ask around. Children of sexless marriages (especially if there is no affection) get MESSED UP in some of the most important areas of life. <br />
<br />
#5. You say you refuse to open your hand. How can you see the jewels in your fist if you never open your hand?

Chldren... Please keep this in mind... My wife was an awful mother. She slept at the wrong times... refused to learn to drive... couldn't cook worth shyt. My kids needed me to be there... regardless of my wife actions. Thats why I never left my marriage... and now that they r grown and on there own... I look at it this way... she may have destroyed my self esteme.... but she sure isn't going to ruin me financially too.

often times these past few years, i've said to myself and others "now i know why the Old Timers used to drink so dam*ed much. life is depressing as sh...."<br />
<br />
although, it might sober you up to note that if you continue down that road, you could well be dead in ten years. then again, you could well be struck by a train or killed by an atomic pigeon as well during that time.<br />
<br />
if you care about the quality of your life 10 years from now (healthwise) it might be best to start treading a bit more lightly.

I usually only hit it on the weekends. And like I said, it's only a glass or two. I don't know... without it, I might end up dead of my own accord. I'm worth $1,000,000.00 belly up. At least my insurance policy says so. Might give everyone a fresh start. I'm a happy person, but I don't have any fears of death. I've lived a good life, a happy one so far. I look forward to whatever comes next but I don't mind being nothing either.

So funny, your comment about the old timers. I felt the same way after digging a damned french drain across the length of my backyard. My back was so sore and stiff, I could eat a bottle of advil and still not get any relief. Mixed that bottle with a little booze and I was feeling fine. Then it hit me. My grandfather, who worked a farm all his life, was simple country man. They didn't have advil, or anti inflams, or fancy shmancy things of that sort. Just a cold beer at the end of the day. God I miss that man.

it indeed is and was 'the cure' for a lot of things.

sorry, alcoholism and all its attendent ills run through my family with a vengeance.

i'm hoping that french drain was not ABS....bleh!

@bazzar, Thanks for the recommendations. I'll be tipping a glass to you tonight! :)<br />
<br />
@FOIA, "meloncholy", far from it my friend, except for that area of my life that is empty and void. Otherwise, I've never been more positive or happy. My pain is self chosen. That is for sure. My fist is wrapped tightly around a shining golden jewel. All I've got to do is let it go and I am free, it is a monkey trap, but I am unwilling to open my hand.<br />
<br />
That jewel is two beautiful kids, a woman I love, a life that is otherwise full of happiness and good fortune. It's just that my companion is a room mate more so than a romance.<br />
<br />
I am a man of honor, I refuse to cheat. But as I said, so to do I refuse to let go of all that I have, for an open cage door. "Cheer up." It's tough when everything is so conflicted and entwined. So I choose instead to forget, to chase tail, but instead of women, the tails belong to the fishes in the streams and rivers I frequent. A place where I can indulge in loving and leaving. And when the light fades and it's time to retire, to return to the bed where only sleep takes hold, I ease my angst with a few glasses of vino.<br />
<br />
Sounds like you FOIA, no longer live in a a sexless marriage. If so, I congratulate you. Live long and prosper. We all deserve to be happy and fulfilled. It sounds as though you've found a way. I however am still lost. But after a few Victoria Bitters tonight, I'll forget about that fact and fall comfortably into a warm fuzzy slumber. Bottom's up.

Well, now you are sounding a bit different! The choice, at least in terms of mind, is always yours. It can be bad or it can be worse than bad. That is all I mean. My issues don't revolve around sexless marriage but do cover many of the same sort of issues that we surround ourselves with. And no, I don't have any answers as yet, at least in practical terms, just an attitude of mind. As far as I am concerned if I don't have the right state of mind there will never be any practical solutions. That maybe makes it sound patronisingly easy, which is not the intention, but on the other hand it is possible to make it more difficult for yourself than is necessary. This is just stating all that is obvious but sometimes it is helpful to remind ourselves about it. Good luck and happy hunting, whatever it is you decide to hunt for.

Ha ha, yeah I know right. But you usually don't come to a "I Live In A Sexless Marriage" blog thingy to talk about all the things good in your life, which I have plenty of. Guess I want the Royal Flush when it comes to the game of life. FOIA that's what I'm hunting for. The perfect hand. That last Ace in a high straight flush.

God, but you sound as if you would be melancholy if not morbid company. It isn't required that you make your misery a full-time occupation you know?<br />
<br />
And if you are in your late 30's, your life gone is only your best part gone if you are determined that it is that way. I am 20+ years your senior and all I know I ain't going to spend what remains, short or long, looking over my shoulder. I do sometimes, I'll admit, but then I try to shake it off from myself because I know it is an indulgence I can't afford.<br />
<br />
Cheer up! You can make it worse.

Never underestimate the theraputic qualities of a skinful.<br />
<br />
Grange Hermitage is a top tipple but somewhat expensive. I find innumerable cans of icy cold Victoria Bitter very good when I get hammered.<br />
<br />
And, if you are in a jurisdiction where you can cash in the empties, you might be able to spring for a lawyer consultation, which might provide some enlightenment about the factual matters of that prison.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.