Is This What It Feels Like?

I have really started to allow myself to know what I know. I am truly realizing and accepting that my marriage is over and I will be leaving my husband. It's all setting in.

Last night after another couples therapy session I was as usual very upset, confused, frustrated and annoyed. That's a story all in itself. Anyway somewhere around 8pm it really hit me like two tons of bricks. I have no idea what really triggered it but I was crying. It felt so painful and almost unbearable! For hours and hours I cried. I was going to write this last night but couldn't even get myself together to do it. 

I won't go on and on about it but here's what I want to know from those of you who are going through or have gone through this. Is that what it feels like? I mean WTF! Does it get worse? Does it get better? When? How the hell have so many people made it through this?!?! I know I can be pretty emotional but DAMN!!

I met with my therapist today and she suggested that I find a support group as I have no friends supporting me and my family is oh so caught up on the religious rules regarding divorce. She is right. Support on my end is very lacking and most of the time I am justifying to myself and a few others why I want to leave. She gave me a few contacts for support groups and I really hope it helps. 

DeeLisa DeeLisa
31-35, F
10 Responses Jul 10, 2012

you are is a natural process...don't avoit it but do 'get through it' will grow stronger...there will be a point when you will say to yourself 'what is the big deal?'...not yet...please continue shedding. growing within yourself is so worth well my dear

My heart goes out to you. I wish I had a solution or a great advice. Sadly, I have neither. All I can only offer is my best wishes & a hug.

I am sorry that you no support. That's got to be hard. My wife and I have had are problems like every marriage but we have come though them. After 40 yrs I don't think I could find a lady that would put up with me. I one lucky guy. I wish the best for you

It doesn't have to be only support groups. Find groups that do things you like to do and join them. You will start enjoying the time you spend with them and it carries over into other parts of your life. Look at

To categories like "staying for the kids", add "staying until parents and all aunts die".

I understand what you are going thru and I spoort your decision all the way and if you ever need someone to talk to just send me a message. In a way I am sort of lucky cause my marriage is a good marriage but due to medical reasons I have not had any intimate moments with her in 5 years. We never fight or argue but it does get lonely and very frustrating and I am sure all your friends here are going to be here for you. Pete

I think right here is the best support group you will ever find!

It's going to get better. You will be okay, and much happier once you are no longer surrounded by bloodsuckers and narcissists. The best is yet to come!

When dysfunctional marriages go guts up, EVERYONE involved starts running their own agenda.<br />
<br />
Your friend is a case in point. Her worry is how it will effect her. Your family are worried how it will reflect on them. Your husband will be running his own agenda. As will be his family. EVERYONE will be running THEIR own agenda. From the counsellor(s) to the lawyer(s).<br />
<br />
<br />
There is only going to be one person in this entire dynamic who will look after YOUR best interests, and that would be YOU.<br />
<br />
Support group ?? Absolutely. Join as many as you like. If you get some benefit out of them, keep going. If not, scrub the ones that don't help you RUN YOUR AGENDA.<br />
<br />
This is going to be a process of embracing people who enhance your life and your aspirations. And, off loading persons who are a depleting influence in your life and aspirations.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Taking care of me and putting me first has always been a struggle for me. I am working to improve it daily. Thanks for your always helpful advice!

Answers:<br />
<br />
1) Yes, It gets worse. Much worse. But then it gets better, much, much better. <br />
2) Get into a divorce support group NOW<br />
3) Your parents, wrapped up in their rules, would be content to see you beaten black and blue so long as you were following their religious rules. Besides, unless they belong to some funky religion, christianity is VERY clear about this issue, and you have full biblical precedent. <br />
4) Find a few friends here who can offer emotional support in addition to going to divorce support group<br />
5) Those people who don't support your decision? They just lost their grounds for friendship. They are similar users like your husband and naturally will not support you. <br />
<br />
Hang in there.

Thank you Filter. I look forward to the much much better part. I have my first support group session next Wednesday. I have to find a way to block out those that disagree with my decision. I actually have one so called friend begging me not to divorce because we are the only couple friends she and her husband have. She's first on the list to go.

Is she seriously begging you? That sounds like she doesn't understand the gravity of what is happening...

Your friend is not a friend. She's selfish.

Indeed. What a terrible reason for someone to want you to stay with him

1 More Response