Where I Found Ep And Where I Will Leave Ep

Yes nieully, I do have the best of Rob and because he gave it willingly and in love and trust. Money means little to us. Our physical needs are simple because our souls are full. Loving one another is the easiest thing we have either done. No one will ever throw a roadblock to diminish that love. We know who we are as human beings, thus we know who we are as a couple. Thank you. Peace,D

After I logged off, i thought ..you know:
Rob's wife may have gotten every last penny of Rob's, but she did not get the most valuable of all: his heart, his soul and his dignity..and all her efforts proved, was that she had no heart, no soul or dignity.

I was shocked and saddeed to read all of this. I don't know what to say, except that I am truly sorry that all of this happened, and that your still dealing with it. That people choose to be so vindictive and cruel is just a sad reality. That Rob's wife was not yet willing to give up control and rhe more destructive she could be to him economically and personally, the more satisfied and happy she became ,is a sad comment to her and what she is about.

I am wishing you both the opportunity for a new start, and the ability to turn your backs on this.There are people that know you, that are close to you that are determined to hurt and cause harm. And so, the two of you must simply forge a new life, and gather people of love and warmth and support about you. Your both very loving, and warm people. I think you will do well in this new life. I think that the both of you will thrive in the company of each other and will amnage to incorporate real loving people around you.

The reality is this..the people that are doing this to you and Rob, that were members of your past realtionship, they were always this way.This was always their true self. Their real identity was just hidden from view. And so now you sre simply seeing them as they always were. To be this vicious, is not just a reflex action to hurt or anger. this is too self sustaining.This is about their very nature, their composition.

The thing I do not understand is how Rob has been treated by his children. Even my two never said anything negative about Rob. I never expected his children to love or like me however I did expect them to love their father. He still loved his son and daughter. He left a bad marriage. They chose to leave their father. Now he has made the hard decision to close the door on any more rejection and pain.

Taking the course in grief counseling has been eyeopening. Many people coming from different places in their grief but with a common thread. Doing the exercises in group is helpful however my attending necessitates opening up painful parts of my past if only in my own mind.



I am remembering events that happened that were so incredibly painful but I call this my personal exorcisms. Many that I put far away and now am ready to face and put to rest.



The facilitator filled a board with words we all mentioned and associated with grief. There were over a hundred and she said that there were even more as grief touches everyone in different ways. I could relate to all of them in some way.



What no one mentioned was how grief affected us spiritually and the facilitator asked us about this. I stated that good and bad happen in life to everyone and this is not from any supreme being but simply a part of life. A vengeful God does not punish or reward us. Life happens. We take the wisdom learned and apply this to our future and present lives. Some attendees have a very strong spiritual belief and there was no voiced judgement from others no matter what we feel or believe.



I am going to go to individual counseling after the grief course is finished as many happenings in my life are better talked about one on one. Some of my life experiences are a bit too raw to discuss in a group and I want the focus to be on everyone and not about me. Why group is a good start to finding my way to healing as a respectful participant.

Dartist,

Oh, I'm glad to hear you might be staying on EP. I'm also glad to hear about you signing up for the grief course.



It occurs to me that you moved a great distance to join Rob - you're in a new place, trying to get established, find your way about, and make new connections ... I know what that's like! So does Enna, and a few others here. It's "good stress" but it's still additional stress.



Take good care of you.

Bless you both . You both are respected and loved. Rob has so much strength for the both of you. Regards, love and respect to you both. Dartist we spoke in the very darkest days of our marriages. Please know that Rob's children should be adults. They are grown. They know their father. They are being manipulated. HEY ROBS SON QUIT HACKING, get a bonifided job.

I took some days away from EP and Rob and I had many talks about my wanting to leave this site. I took his son's comments hard because I saw first hand what my husband suffered through a very painful time in his life. Now Rob has been able to distance himself from all of this and is unaffected at what his son wrote except for how it affected me.



This past week I joined a grief support group where we live and will take a six weeks course on grief and how one copes with a suicide and the residual effects. I know that this will help me come to terms with a lot that has happened. Individual counseling sessions are also available and these all are offered at no cost and by licensed professionals. I will meet new people and gain more perspective on my life but I also know that all of you who have commented and been supportive here throughout the years I have been an EP member give to both me and Rob the most wisdom and kindness of all.



Rob said to me that if I leave EP I will also take away the wisdom of what I have learned from life. My story as I lived it. Why should I leave because his son finds no truth in my truths? The others who lurk here for strange reasons known only to them?



To leave would be another loss and one I DO have a choice in making. I have been thinking about this EP friends. Your support is, as always, making a huge difference. I was hesitant in getting on EP tonight because I did not want another attack. Realizing that I have such wonderful support and Rob's talks with me are also helping me to rethink what I had planned to do this weekend and I thank you all.



Realizing that not one thing has changed in how certain family members of Rob's feels towards us over the past few years is freeing in some way for me. My children too. Hope is what might be and acceptance is reality. People seldom change as we know. Letting go of hope is not necessarily a bad thing because I can put certain parts of life to rest as Rob has done. Thank you all again for commenting. Peace,D

When their goal in life was to make you completely miserable - up close and personal - and you take that away from them... well you force them to go public.



In order to get any support for this at all, they have to lie their collective ***** off to all and sundry... and then you are left to just live in such a manner as to prove they are liars... which is what made them need to destroy you in the first place...



You see... we make them look bad... and by leaving, we leave them open to being asked why... the truth of course outs them as the spiteful creatures they often are - and yes, I do know that not all refusing spouses and grown children respond this way, but they are not the ones being discussed here.



My ex would look me in the eye while taking credit for anything good or nice I had done, and immediately follow it with how I tried to stop him but he bravely pushed my selfishness aside... thereby leaving me to look like I was just trying to shift the blame if I outed him...



They are naturally selfish users, and yet want the world to see them as wonderful giving God fearing people. Our leaving genuinely ***** that up for them.

Cluster B personality disorder to the extreme - ex will lop off her own arm just to make sure she takes off your finger. There was a father from Canada, Hans Mills, whose ex-wife sued to reverse their final divorce settlement agreement and extract more spousal support because she refused to work. After losing everything and exhausting all his savings, he fled to the Phillipines. His email to his ex:



“The result of the legal instrument which you recently designed and implemented is that there is no possibility of a comfortable life or a (secure) retirement for me in Canada at all. Therefore I have left the country to seek greener pastures elsewhere, and will never return. Well done Einstein.”



There are "Einstein's" everywhere who will exact suffering at any cost. There is only one successful solution: leave, cut ties completely, and avoid at all costs.

To D & Rob….



You've been through so much. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this….so sorry for Rob as well. He doesn't deserve the treatment he has recieved. When I came to EP I was desparately unhappy. You and he were so kind. You, Rob and many others were the beacon on a lighthouse for me. I wish you both love, happiness, and peace. Please give Rob a hug from me---Sandnsurf--(although I don't go to that avatar anymore) Be well.

D, your story and Rob's motivated me. You've had it rough. You've found your happiness. Don't let the rest ruin what lies ahead.



Wishing you all the best ahead. To happiness.

The need to take a break is understandable. People who need to use drama in order to control their world and have the designated bad guy are very sad people. i also know these kinds of people and they will do anything to keep their world as they want to see it. The vindictiveness never stops as it would pull apart their view of themselves and it would mean they would have to communicate in an intelligent, respectful way. In order to keep their world they poison the water for any relationship that you may want to have or keep in the family. The more people that they can "bring" to their side the more vindicated they feel even if it has nothing to do with reality. They will cherry pick situations and use whatever ammunition they can find to keep things going. So really, I feel that the best course of action is to give them nothing. That is what I have learned from dealing with them. Nothing for them to work from or to embellish in their demented world. Thank you for being here and sharing. I do understand and I want to say that someday the door may swing open for you to have relationships if the light comes into their dark worlds. You both have been emotionally courageous, where most would have fallen by the wayside. This has been a great price for you to pay and you have chosen peace, love and life. God bless you both!!

Dearest D,



I recall once, when I was in my thirties, being blind-sided by an entirely undeserved attack that caused me great emotional distress. My dear laconic friend said to me: "Well, it is surprising to me that you can still be amazed at the depths some people will sink to, in order to assert themselves." At the time, I thought I was being naive, but with more years behind me, I realise I'm a person who instinctively trusts others to behave as I do - to "do the right thing".



All of us on ILIASM have been blind-sided by partners who did NOT "do the right thing" (to one extent or another) and we have felt the sting of that betrayal.



When a person (or persons) choose to vilify another person (or persons) it is a cancre deep within their own souls. The only healthy way to meet such behaviour IMO is to do as you have done - recognise that this is THEIR issue, and has nothing to do with you.



My friendship with you and Rob goes back over three years. I remember only too well the depth of anguish you both experienced in your personal SM journeys. I recall the ways in which you both struggled to deal with the responsibilities of your families and to best deal with bitter and disturbed spouses. I remember feeling very angry with your family and with Rob's for being so disrespectful, demanding, demeaning of you and SELFISH in their behaviour.



At the time you started your friendship, there were others of us on a similar journey - VB and Penelope; Baz and myself and others whose names I do not mention to preserve their privacy. It gladdened my heart to see you two find each other - from the very begining you were so "right" for each other.



The ending of your marriage with its violent aftermath seemed to me at the time to be the cruelest possible revenge of an embittered and selfish partner. Now I wonder if it isn't worse to be faced with the ongoing slander and vitriol that has pursued Rob and you into your new lives . . . .



Rob's son seems to be a good case for the "nature versus nurture" arguement. It seems extraordinary to me that a man like Rob could have fathered the son of whom you speak. It can only be that he is essentially his mother's child - inherited all her negativity, her mental insecurity and her inability to accept that life is NOT "all about her". It would seem that even the modifying influence of being raised by Rob has not been sufficient to modify the traits that are inherent in this young man.



Nothing can reduce or remove the pain of the experience you and Rob have had with this situation. And the pain of such betrayal from your own children is unbearably agonising, I know. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is

To have a thankless child! "



I encourage you to stay on EP. I realise you have excellent reasons NOT to do so, but it seems to me that the best way to deal with this exceptionally vile behaviour is to ignore it completely. Do NOT allow it to influence your own behaviour in any way. Continue as you have to post, to share your wisdom, your grace and your inspirational vision with us all. It is certainly not by chance that your name is "artist" . . .



And know that here you WILL be recognised for the REAL person that you are; that your relationship with the wonderful Rob is appreciated for what it TRULY is and we are the ones who have benefitted from you both being part of our community. It would be a tragic loss for us all if one extremely embittered and irrational young man was the cause of so many of us losing your ongoing contributions to this forum.

Hi D: , too, I came as you and Rob were coming together. I followed your stories with great interest and have always had much respect for the advice you gave others.



The vitriol that the two of you have encountered is beyond my comprehension. You are decent people who have not had to pay such a high price for your freedom. It has to be heartbreaking to see that the children you both so lovingly raised have become adults that represent none of the love you worked so hard to impart to them.



This is truly a tragedy. Live is short; people should love each other and be happy. I hope that the two of you find daily joy in your new life together.



-MR

I tried to send as a PM but it wouldnt go



I am sorry we kind of missed each other and I didn't get to know you well. I first joined in Sept 2008 and stayed a few months before dropping out until April 2010. Your story is almost like my mother's. Except the SM part. My father was a narcissistic controlling man. After 45 years, my mother had enough. When she left, Daddy shot himself and tried to ruin her in every way. She has now married her HS sweetheart, a man who left a SM after 35 years. They will spend the rest of their lives healing each other. In the process, my step-dad (who's been a way better dad than my real one ever was) has lost his two children to their hateful mother. My own brother hasn't spoken to my mother in 5 years. Fortunately, my other two brothers are decent.



I'm sorry you and Rob are having to deal with all this. You have a right to be happy. Absolutely do not stand for the abusive behavior of the children! They are perpetrating the behavior you both rescued yourselves from. As Chai said, THESE are the reasons people should leave for the sake of the children. Back in the day, people didn't know that. As a community, we can share this painful knowledge with those whose children are still young.



I'm sorry you're leaving but I completely understand. I wish I had known you both better.



I hope you will have happiness, peace, and many blessings.



*Hug*



K

coming late to this party. Can someone direct me to what this pertains to?



It is sad that adult children feel they must "choose" a side. All I can say is that this may come home to roost with the son being in a sexless marriage.

I previously stated that I was surprised that your adult children, in this day and age, would find it so hard to adjust. I am even more surprised that they would follow you into an anonymous website. How the heck would they identify you? Why would they care what you say on an anonymous website? And more importantly, why bring this conflict online? That's just wrong.



Gaaggh. For younger members here, I think this is a clear case of "leave FOR the kids"



Dartist and Morph, you two have walked through fire to get where you are. Time to build a firebreak and don't look back. Baz wrote a post in the last couple days about "Run your Agenda". That really applies here. And if you run your agenda, that's gonna **** some people off. Keep on anyhow.



In theory, you could sue for visitation with your grandchildren ... but I don't think I'd recommend it.

I am desperately sorry that it has come to this.



To two of the people on this board who I so respect and admire.



Poisonous hands have managed to extend from the grave and across an ocean, for no positive purpose at all.



Tread your own path(s).

Hey, I am sorry to hear your story and I am sorry that you feel compelled to ultimately hide from these people. His ex was obviously driven to have the last word, to have control even though it was well and truly over. Unfortunately, these sorts of situations are not actually as rare as your attorney appears to have experienced. And very often the children, those that eventually become adults, are used in the one-way war poisoned by the poisonous party to the strife. I wonder if that is one of the concerns, amongst many, that Katie Holmes might have over the upbringing of her daughter following separation and divorce from Tom Cruise. The greatest grace you can possibly have on divorce is to deliberately and consciously not to use your children that way no matter how bitter you might be.



I know a young guy who is a solicitor specialising in family law. He is not that long out of law school. Frankly I suspect that the experience is already having an unhealthy personal affect on him. I hope for his sake I am wrong.



If you want to leave EP for good and positive reasons then go with everyone's blessing. However, if you are merely going because of the duress, the anxiety they are creating for you, PLEASE don't let them bully you or your partner. I think he is right ultimately about being beyond caring. If it is genuine for him he is in a good place. If they are so righteous and keen on outing you and Rob, reciprocate in kind, tell us the profile name(s) they are using. I'm sure we will find it interesting. Sure it would be escalation but can it be worse? I don't know, but I just despise people who behave like this and I hate the idea that they might get away with it.

What I am doing and that feels healthy and right. I refuse to feed this vindictive attitude any more. My husband's attorney told both of us that this is an extreme case driven by hatred and revenge. What happens in the worst of cases and way beyond the scope of normal relationships. She has practiced family law for many years and this case is one of the worst ones she has encountered.



That this unhealthy attitude started by one person has spread so far to so many people is quite disturbing but people always have choices. To wipe out all of the years that my husband supported his children until they were adults now means nothing. Sadly many parents who find it necessary to leave a toxic marriage are painted as selfish and cruel is another example of the dysfunction that existed.



Mentally healthy adult people can still love and support both parents without being forced to take sides but this takes an inner strength and self awareness. Young children easily can be confused and manipulated. Adult children may be older but not wiser in their actions.



A toxic individual can cause an incredible amount of damage with no concern for anything but their own hatred and this appears to be the case here. That it is cleverly cloaked is even more disturbing. That it has spread so far is also unhealthy and disturbing.



My husband, upon receiving his ex's request to have him imprisoned , lost any lingering feelings of kindness towards her and this was not necessary. To know how much his children despise him was another unnecessary pain. He left a bad marriage. His children chose to leave their father. He was hurt but no longer cares and that is another tragedy in all of this.



My husband did make his children the center of his life. It was all that he had left as so many of us do. These relationships are now also destroyed and will not be repaired.



I am leaving for my own reasons which are healthy reasons. I refuse to feed this obsessive anger any more and knowing that I am under constant observation here by people who hate me is reason enough. Knowledge frees me and imparts wisdom. Thank you for your comment. Peace,D

Hey, I'm sorry it's come to this. Unfortunately, people get really angry, bitter and upset when it comes to the breakdown of a marriage. Children, even adult children, feel betrayed. Where once they were the centre of everything (perhaps unhealthily), now they're sidelined by a parent newly in love.



If you feel uncomfortable here and are being abused by other account holders, then maybe take a break from here.