StugglingAll in all, He does not want to have sex with me. He said, “The sex does not solve the problems between us like what you think. You want sex all the time. Even after we had sex, the next day you were mad at something.”
For me, all I need is sex. One time, I did have a bad mood right after we made love the night before, but it was because I was frustrated for knowing that the next time will be one month later.
We have not had sex for over two months, probably never will have any. He is happy and content with talking to me, hugging me, kissing me, and rubbing my shoulder and back before sleep if I do not require sex. If I mention sex, he would say: “I hope”, or “maybe”, which means no. Then we go into a circle of fight, want-to-break-up, cannot-break-up, guilt, make-up. But no matter what, he would not have sex with me.
He works in a city one hour drive west from home, and I work part-time one hour drive east from home. He wants to move closer to his work place, and the house is on the market. I will not drive two hours to work as he suggests. I moved away from my work place because I wanted to be with him and did not care to drive that far. I want to move back to where I was from. What’s matter to live apart since we do not have sex anyway?
Now, I do not want to go out with him. The enjoyment of walking together, getting groceries, and dining out becomes unbearable like a rope ties on my neck. I want to be free, but when my heart is cold and hard and knowing I am flying away, I start to feel pain and loneliness. I call him and want to show that I still love him as before. I think I can change and can do something different to save our relationship. But when I hear his voice, his effort trying to make up with me, I feel desperate and angry because I know that sweetness has nothing to do with sex.