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Stuggling

All in all, He does not want to have sex with me. He said, “The sex does not solve the problems between us like what you think. You want sex all the time. Even after we had sex, the next day you were mad at something.”

For me, all I need is sex. One time, I did have a bad mood right after we made love the night before, but it was because I was frustrated for knowing that the next time will be one month later.

We have not had sex for over two months, probably never will have any. He is happy and content with talking to me, hugging me, kissing me, and rubbing my shoulder and back before sleep if I do not require sex. If I mention sex, he would say: “I hope”, or “maybe”, which means no. Then we go into a circle of fight, want-to-break-up, cannot-break-up, guilt, make-up. But no matter what, he would not have sex with me.

He works in a city one hour drive west from home, and I work part-time one hour drive east from home. He wants to move closer to his work place, and the house is on the market. I will not drive two hours to work as he suggests. I moved away from my work place because I wanted to be with him and did not care to drive that far. I want to move back to where I was from. What’s matter to live apart since we do not have sex anyway?

Now, I do not want to go out with him. The enjoyment of walking together, getting groceries, and dining out becomes unbearable like a rope ties on my neck. I want to be free, but when my heart is cold and hard and knowing I am flying away, I start to feel pain and loneliness. I call him and want to show that I still love him as before. I think I can change and can do something different to save our relationship. But when I hear his voice, his effort trying to make up with me, I feel desperate and angry because I know that sweetness has nothing to do with sex.
imaginefuture111 imaginefuture111 36-40, F 12 Responses Jul 11, 2012

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sounds like someone needs to grow up. <br />
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being alone with yourself is not the worst thing in the world that can happen to you. unless there is no 'self' there.<br />
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count me as another on your man's side. you're not ready for a grown-up relationship.

Do you take care of your body?

Your marriage is probably done, but I cannot but slip in a bit of respect for a guy who can think clearly and say "sex will not solve the problem".

This bit is key, where he says to you - "“The sex does not solve the problems between us like what you think".<br />
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He has mangled the syntax a bit, but essentially he is absolutely spot on. The relationship is deeply disfunctional, and all the *** in the world being shot about ain't going to help that core fact.<br />
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Wrap it up.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Omg I know exactly how you feel---the same hardening of the heart has happened to me recently. He can be sweet and loving and affectionate. But even if he does attempt sex, it's so lukewarm and never goes anywhere. It's rare (maybe 1x/month at the MOST) and even then, unsatisfying. I'm also at the point of, "Keep the hugs. I want sex!" It makes me feel pathetic but I am planning to separate as soon as possible so I can experience the feeling of being DESIRED without the guilt or self-consciousness of cheating. After many years, I've just come to the conclusion that these situations almost never reverse themselves. It's very sad.

I can remember feeling ****** the next day after having my monthly allowance.... I had forgotten about that.... I had to make a concious effort to not be grumpy the next day because of the knowledge that it would be a whole month until the next time. What are things like now you might ask? I came to terms with the lack of activity, stopped worrying, stopped asking for sex and now it happens maybe once every six months. Many people have far worse problems than mine... I can live with it.

You are just two people sharing the cost of a roof over your head. You want to go back east. i think that is what you should do, because deep down you know that is what is right. You are engaged, you should break it off, both of you. You are in serious danger of falling by default into marriage and you just know that would be disasterous, but you are still contemplating it. Listen to yourself.

I don't think I could stay in a relationship with a man that didn't want sex, or that never initiated sex. it would make me feel unwanted and that's not a good feeling. <br />
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if you choose to leave, the pain and loneliness that you feel will fade in time. and there could be someone out there that wants you and shows his love physically. if you are still with this guy, you may miss out on the perfect guy. in the end it's your choice, but I wouldn't settle for a man that didn't want to touch me. I hope things work out for you.

Are you actually married to this guy? If not, just move back home.

You don't have to change yourself I myself am in a similar situation it sucks to have someone u love and to have them not return that love physically,I know how u feel it drives me crazy to want her and have her look me in the face and say no the pain sometimes is unbearable but absolutely don't change you it's ok to want sex to want to feel the pure pleasure of it, that. Mmm ahh feeling. I say get out while u can

I know you mentioned you will not outsource your physical needs but I really think you should reconsider. It sounds like you do really care for him, but he is not going to change and if you don't want to leave him then stay and make yourself happy. Trust me there is NO greater feeling than that of being WANTED by somebody else.

Can I really be happy to have a fair with another man? At some moments, I thought about finding a sugar daddy just to meet my sexual needs, but it is against my moral, and it is disrespectful to him. I do not just want sex; I want to have sex with a man that I love.

I understand that you want to have sex with the man you love, just like I want to have sex with the woman I love, but waiting for them to get around to it leads to frustration and anger. So why not have a little something to get you by in between the times, trust me you will be much happier

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