The Question Of Family-buildingI am not one to tell anyone what to do. I do not think I possess greater knowledge than anybody else, but there is one sexless marriage - related consequence I feel so strongly about that I now part with my pattern of only blogging to friends, and not posting public stories. ....
So here we go....
This story is directed at ladies and is more an admonition than a story, since my story is already out there.
You may or may not know this, but as a woman gets older, she has fewer and fewer viable eggs, ones that would result in a successful pregnancy. By the time you are 40 it becomes much more difficult to conceive and many fertility clinics refuse to do IVF with women over 45.
Look, if you are in a sexless marriage and are under 40 and think there is the possibility that you will want children (you do not even have to be totally decided on the issue, but just want the option) -
1) get out!!! particularly if your husband states that he does not want children or even probably does not want any. Move on Sister, before your fertile years are over. Trust me, you do not have time for this. Depending on your age you might even have time to meet a more amenable partner with whom you can create children the natural way.
2) stay only if he is willing to use artificial means of conception and you still love him and are sure your marital situation is tolerable, for whatever reason.
If you are younger than 35, take the first option. Please.
My husband and I conceived a child via IVF when I was 41. He told me that because he had a child from his first marriage, he did not see the need for another and I told him, "Okay, but if you really do not want to have another child then I must leave you, and go back to America, where I will live with my parents and choose artificial insemination. Having a child is that important to me." (I had discussed this with my parents first so they were well aware of the issues with my husband and our sexless marriage).
So he cooperated, we have this wonderful little girl that H loves as much as I do. Neither of us has regrets about her. And the fulfillment, the love, the intense bond I have with her, is the most important thing in my life.
Most who have children will tell you the same (not everyone, I realize this, but the majority).
Do not sacrifice something as important as a family on the altar of the trivial psychological issues of your refusing husband. That you will regret forever.
If any of you have questions about aging, fertility, and what our options are, I know enough to fill a book, so feel free to PM me about it.
EinEngel 46-50, F 11 Responses 4 Jul 14, 2012