I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Dealing With It

By: MsBlueDreamer

Written on July 15th, 2012

Last night I laid on my stomach. I never lay on my stomach as it bothers my neck and years ago a chiropractor told me not to. I can't remember the last time I did...but wow, to have that pressure on my body sent my mind reeling and my body humming. That's how bad it gets when you're not having touch and closeness in life.
My common-law bf is on holidays so I've had very little chance to relieve myself. Thankfully yesterday he left here and there and I had got to fit myself in 3 times..quick times, hurried but it helps. I should have got up earlier this morning and done it again, but I didn't and will suffer all day.
It doesn't take the place of real touch, closeness, tenderness, making love/having sex. It's just what is done to help the yearnings to settle a bit, but it never really quiets and body and mind of what it needs.
It's not a perverted thing either, it's human need. Having a strong sex drive doesn't mean a person is a pervert. I'm not meaning to be rude, crude or disgusting. I mean it in a way of wanting human contact, touch, love, affection, sharing and caring, laughter, being wanted.

I'm back in here, adding this bit as I don't know in what group this story belongs, so thought I'd just tag it onto the above.
This actually happened about 2 months ago, or 3, just didn't get in here to write about it.

One day my bf got in this mood, odd sort of mood...and I had went for a bike ride, came back and had a shower. When I went into the bedroom he asked if I wanted to have sex. He ended up going down on me and making me finish. Well, you've never seen such a proud peacock in your life. He gloated. For the whole rest of the day he had this puffed up ego, pride, manly, masterful attitude going on...king of his castle, in control, he showed me.. I laughed inside. It was so amusing, yet sickening how he acted the King for the day.
Here is the stupid part... First off, I did myself that morning before I left for my bike ride. So the ****** he gave me was the second one of the morning.
Plus, later that day I did myself again.
Of course he thinks and feels he fulfilled me all on his own, but that was only one ****** for the day that he did..lol..
and besides that, it's been about 4 years since he given me one, or more...could be 5 years by now..not sure.
So my second point would be...-you think you are Lord and Master over your woman because you were able to give her an ****** once within 4 or 5 years..--
'yes, you are the man'...lol..

I just couldn't help but share this..it's so ridiculously funny.

By: MsBlueDreamer

Age: 41-45 , Female

588 people have read this story

Email:

Username:

Password:

Birthday:

By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.

30 responses

ZigMcZag

" thanks for not kicking my daughter and I out with no where to go..sheesh...lol...I hope you don't feel all people who are ill deserve to be shunned and kicked to the gutters. I'm very proud of my daughters. they know I've been a survivor and have looked after them and I am a wonderful mom and they are wonderful children and a blessing. "

There is no need to thank me. You should thank your boyfriend who does not want to **** you.

I guess my underlying message is being lost. Complete the following sentences yourself:

" Nobody gets what they deserve. People only get what they bargain for in life. I am getting..... "

" I am teaching my daughter to live in a sexless non-marriage in exchange for.... "

" My boyfriend does not want to kick me out. Therefore, if I want things to change, I will have to.... "

Jul 17, 2012
1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  wow, this is closed minded. I use to work in a residence, a Home for people that are ill. Those who are Bi-Polar, depressed, stroke, MS and so on. They owned nothing, just lived in a tiny room. Some had to leave their homes, familes and children. My heart went out to these people, they were so wonderful. I couldn't keep working due to my own illness, I only became worse. I tried though and enjoyed my time there.
  My daughters are wonderful, strong girls. My youngest also is ill. She was just diagnosed also. So I'm not sure what she'll do..she may be able to have a job ..have to wait and see how she does.
  I don't need to answer these questions because I am me and doing the best I can in life. Being me is all I can do and loving myself is the best thing I can do.
  I've always done my best and you can't make me feel bad for being me and who I am. My girls have been my life and I've always done well by them as a mother.
  I've always been a survivor. Everything happens for a reason and I'm carrying on the best I can. Coming into ep is a sharing with others who understand and going through the same
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  there are 29683 people in this group and over 9000 stories. I'm here talking and supporting those who feel the same and going through the same. I'm not picking on anyone. I want to be supportive and I really care how these 29000 people feel and what they are going through. I joined this group because they can relate and understand and I can relate and understand to them.
  Not to be picked on. I'm doing my best just like all of them are...and all those that aren't in this group, haven't found ep and out there in the world with these same problems.
  Everyone can only do what they can do and try their best, carry on and it's wonderful to find support.
  I'm in a number of support groups for my illness. People I can connect with every day who feel as I do...and, again it's wonderful. It's such a truly warm feeling to connect with others and have support
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  And it's my birthday and I'm spending it here, on the internet with all my friends and enjoying my day :)
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- ZigMcZag
  I sincerely wish you a happy birthday. All I am doing here is trying to encourage you to look at your situation from a different perspective. That is all.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
MsBlueDreamer

I'm wondering how long it'll take him today to remember it's my birthday. Last year he completely forgot. At about 8pm he saw that my brother had put happy birthday up on my facebook wall...and then he remembered.

Not that it'll matter. He'll say happy birthday when he does remember, because it's the thing to say.

Jul 17, 2012
1 like
magicwriter49

It's good to keep the pipes clean I say. It sucks finding woman who want to touch and be touched. I would give anything to have about 2 hours of nothing of touching without sex. I miss having a woman want to touch me. My wife would rather pet the dogs I do get jelious sometimes!

Jul 16, 2012
2 likes
- MsBlueDreamer
  I always feel like there are all sorts of men that want sex and want love and affection, and I get the one who doesn't.
  He loves the dogs more and his car more and he let's me know. He says, "you must be upset that I love the dogs and my car so much more" I know that he is trying to hurt me, so I just "no"
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- magicwriter49
  hug hug, squeeze and a happy birthday kiss on the cheek!
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  thank you, I'll take those hugs and kisses :)
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
jep444

I understand how you feel..I've been married for 32 yrs and no sex for 6 years and not by choice. We still hold each other but sex makes her feel uncomfortable. Releiving myself is the only sex I have but leaves me feeling guilty and lonely.

I so miss it with a vengence. Now I do it just to make sure everthing still works =)

But it's no substitute for the closeness and everything associated with love making.

Jul 16, 2012
2 likes
- MsBlueDreamer
  Finding private time to do the relieving can even be difficult. It releases the pressure but not the closeness wanted and needed..the whole rest of the kissing and touching and so on
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
ZigMcZag

Why do you stay?

Jul 16, 2012
1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  to short form it...I'm ill and do not have an income. I have no place to go. I have a daughter here who is in school and 4 pets.
  
  Jul 16, 2012
  1 like
- ZigMcZag
  You do not sound very kick-out-able. What are you teaching your daughter?
  
  Jul 16, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  My daughter understands. She is right here and I talk to her. She knows how life is and how my health is.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  thanks for not kicking my daughter and I out with no where to go..sheesh...lol...I hope you don't feel all people who are ill deserve to be shunned and kicked to the gutters.
  I'm very proud of my daughters. they know I've been a survivor and have looked after them and I am a wonderful mom and they are wonderful children and a blessing.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
88ElmiraSt

Just goes to show how basic a need touch is. Even giving yourself an ****** isn't an adequate substitute. There is no adequate substitute.

Jul 15, 2012
1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  no, there really isn't. It just constant daily yearnings, cravings, wishes and dreams
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
yearnformore

I know what you mean by missing the touch. My husband does not like to betouched, except down there. He never holds me or carresses me unless I initiate it, and knowing that there will be no more relief, just leaves me wanting. You are not alone - that's for sure.

Jul 15, 2012
1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  Isn't it odd how some men act so funny about it... I can't even touch him down there and me caressing him does nothing for him. He wants back massages and gets mad if I don't massage him, but he won't touch me back.
  
  Jul 16, 2012
  1 like
- yearnformore
  My husband doesn't even want a back rub. Pretty sad that it blocks him from thinking of touching me.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you.
  It is nice to have a place to come and share though.
  I enjoy giving massages, just nice to have one also :)
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- jep444
  So sorry to hear that. Your husband sounds very selfish.
  The need to be held and loved is a very basic need and we all need it. You deserve more than what you're getting.
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  It's sometimes a control thing too. I know with my bf it's often about being in control over everything. It's nice to have a big heart like yours here jep444
  
  Jul 17, 2012
  1 like
2 More Replies
ulae

I don't enjoy self-service as much as a well-made smoothie, but I do enjoy self-service far more than "real" sex.

Jul 15, 2012
1 like
morningteatime

It is most definitely not the same! But, at least it's a physical release and offers reassurance that your body still works.

Jul 15, 2012
1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  No, it's not the same but the body demands something. I'd go insane if I couldn't at least get rid of the build up of desire. It's the caress and contact that keeps the other feelings built up that can't be released
  
  Jul 15, 2012
  1 like
saintLouis007

Sadly i understand.......

Jul 15, 2012
1 like
- MsBlueDreamer
  so sorry. It's difficult not to have affection and touch in life
  
  Jul 15, 2012
  1 like

Your Response