So we get out to meet some friends around the corner to have some drinks and dinner. Again she holds my hand and does the arm rub in the car. We are enjoying this long visit when the wife decides to have a brahma momma drink. Well she is about 2 drinks behind the rest of us and half way though it she decides to whisper something in my ear that I could not understand after two attempts. Well another drink later we come home and she asks me while getting out of the car if I understood her coming on to me at the club by whispering in my ear. I told her that I could not here her w the background noise. Well I put on some Fleetwood Mac DVD and lit a candle. Laying back watching it she gets up and comes over and curls up on me and says that she really loves me and kisses me like we did when we first started dating. Well I just proceeded with rolling her under me and we kissed like a couple of movie stars in a sexy movie. I waste no time to seize this highly passionate opportunity and we had the best sex we have had in ten years or better. And then again about thirty minutes later. Even though it was great sex something is going on with her. I could tell that she was really in a lot of pain during this. I have seen her struggle with this's the last time we had sex about 8 months ago and prior to that 1 & 1/2 years ago as well. Well I decided this time because it was so passionate that I was not going to hold out and be considerate of the pain issue. I could tell it inside her. Well she was pleased with our experience and says maybe we need to get some bahamma momma fixings for home. She says I just need to loosen up? Well I don't know if this is for real or damage control. I am sure most of it is damage control sadly enough! A guy just needs to think with his mind instead of you know what. Nice time just don't believe it's a page turner.
Alljackedup Alljackedup
51-55, M
8 Responses Jul 16, 2012

Mornigteatime, Yea I agree that I don't want to have a sex life ba<x>sed on get drunk to get it done. I don't have a problem if we both go out and have fun and end up getting it on, its mutual. I won't go and tank it up and hit on her . I just don't think it is fair to anyone, unless they are that sexual and initiate sex with some one one that's had drinks. Your advice is nice. I do know she has talked to her doctor about it. Med, psychiatrist , and psychologist doctors. I can not help but think its not medical. She says I have done nothing wrong, she just does not know why. My psychologist thinks maybe all the therapy she has been through is contributing to it. A lot of past has come up in therapy here and it is brutally ugly. She did tell her physiologist that she wanted to take a break from working with him for 3 months and a month later she is hitting on me like she just met me. Just this am she said she feels better than she has for a long time due to not working her mind so hard for so long. I kind of get it, because myself i feel the displacement of working on my past with my co dependency as we sleek. I feel tired, don't s<br />
Rep as well and my mind is so busy. I don't know , time will tell here. I have to work on me and not us for some while and learn how to act my way out of this behavior disorder. Then a time will come where we can work on us. If it unfolds it will be her reality with mine as we figure it out.

Regarding the pain: she needs to go to a dr. It could be cysts. I had that problem and the only thing that fixed it was birth control medication.. Which doesn't work for everyone. Sometimes minor surgery is needed, or ovary removal even.

I agree that she feels you slipping away which leads to great sex. If you stop moving away, the sex will stop. So, my suggestion is to continue your plans to live your own life and see what happens. If SHE is willing to deal with her physical issues and make the effort to accept and satisfy your needs, there is a chance. Otherwise, it's just "end of relationship" sex. The danger in "end of relationship sex" is getting your hopes up. Set the boundaries that make sense to you to protect your already wounded psyche - you're the only one whose going to do so.<br />
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As an aside, it would be a turn off if the only time my spouse wanted sex was when he was bombed. I understand the need to relax but somehow that isn't a big turn on for me. I view it the same way as someone sqeezing their eyes shut through the entire "ordeal". If one needs to be bombed or blind to enjoy sex with me, then it's kind of a turn off...don't you think?

This reads like damage control. My wife uses all the same tricks.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Just call a divorce lawyer. <br />
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She is faking it and you have had enough.

Your wife needs to see a doctor asap about the pain during sex.<br />
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I had this problem many years ago due to a hymen that wasn't completely broken. There are other reasons for this. Your wife might feel ashamed or embarrassed about seeing her doctor, but this is what doctors are for! After I got my hymen clipped away, I enjoyed sex a lot! I had to go through sex therapy with ****** (in the privacy of my home, of course), in order to get used to the idea of something being in me, but afterwards and even during ;) it was great!<br />
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There might be other reasons for pain during sex. Do not let this go! It can be treated! You do not have to have a sexless marriage if this is the only reason why she can't have sex. If she still has desire, then you need to figure out what's causing the physical pain.

Yea she has seen her regular doctor and physiatrist about this issue. She thought she needed hormone replacement therapy and is doing bio identical replacement deal for a year now. She was really badly abused as a child emotionally and physically . Sexually she says her dad did not do that but he did whip her bare but as a child. My physiologist told me it can be about the same. My doc also told me all
that her psychologist has helped her bring up alot of her repressed memory in her past and has became aware of her past and it emotionally can create this. My belief is she was highly sexual earlier in our marriage due to the fact she used it as a prozac. When she began to deal with her mental health things started to slowly go away. My belief is it is mental. What ever it is the hardest part for me is that I can not hardly talk to her about anything without her feeling defensive and then here comes the passive aggressive behavior. Next thing you know we are arguing about what I am doing wrong. Never get my issue discussed . I get better at dealing with my co dependency maybe this communication thing will go somewhere. She will still need to perform in bed and that I do not believe is going to happen. She feels bad about this, does not make much effort to fix it and will not make any alternative efforts to please me sexually. I am without. I somehow can't help but feel it is what it is. Thanks for you knowledge I will ask her if she has done any updated visits with her doctor about it.

That's really rough! I had been sexually abused by my grandfather as a child (fondling etc), and was fortunate to get long term therapy in my late teens. However, it was only later that I found out about the hymen issue. I agree that her mental issues are much deeper and less resolved than mine are.

One of the things that came up between my husband and me was that I stopped being attracted to him because he seemed "brotherly." He believes it ties into my being molested. I don't really think my situation reflects that. I'm truly not attracted to my husband. I do think though that having a close relationship with someone makes you feel more vulnerable and she might feel threatened by that.

In any case, I hope your situation gets resolved. You do need intimacy &amp; I hope you get it.

She senses you slipping away.<br />
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BTW sex hurt me the first couple of times after a 3 yr drought. But I got over it.

A couple of days ago, brother "oneslashtwo" wrote a story about what was happening in his terminally dysfunctional marriage.<br />
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Go have a read of the story.<br />
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Your missus is doing the same thing with you, though way more subtly than Mrs Slash.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Oneslashtwo? I searched him and did not bring up his story.

Click on in the menu at the top. Then enter "oneslashtwo" in the people finder. He is here.