AnniversaryMy roommate and I hardly talk. Most of our conversations usually are about the kids. We don't hug, kiss, laugh, or show any kind of a physical connection or affection whatsoever. The ring I wear and having his last name is really the only evidence that we are married.
On Aug 2nd we will be married 9yrs. And yesterday he asked me, "What would you like to do to celebrate our anniversary". I can only image what my face must have looked like. My guess, deer in headlights. Anyway, I could only get out, "I don't know." He usually hates that response so the conversation died down for a bit. But he brought it back up later on. Is he serious? Could he possibly be this clueless?
About a year ago I probably would have jumped for joy at the slightest mention of spending time together. And initiating discussion of anniversary plans, talk about winning the marriage lottery! However we are very far from a year ago. Today, I have no desire to do anything with him. Some would say he's trying and I should give it one last shot. I know this routine all too well but it's still a struggle for me. A tug of war within me. To quote myself, "Wouldn't it be nice" if things got better and our marriage survived. That indeed would have been nice a year ago. Too little too late.
The tiny bit of hope that is left in me is being blocked by reality. My roommate is no fool. My exit plan has been put into action and I assume he can sense a change in me. We have been here before (minus the exit plan). I get to the point of no return and then all of a sudden I am wined, dined, romanced and everything starts to look up. Every heart string is tugged and I'm sucked back in. Marital bliss is pretty short lived and slowly but surely I am back to living with a roommate.