Today I Just Wanna Cry...

It's been a wretched week. I've reinjured my shoulder (rotator cuff), my daughter and mom are coming from two different states tomorrow-Sunday so I've been trying to clean up the yard and house with an effed up shoulder. Last night around 11 the dogs were raising hell in the backyard. Copperhead! I killed it and discovered one of the dogs had been bit. Dealt with that emergency. If you guys recall H is a trucker and gone thru the week. So I'm talking to him this morning about ways to help keep the snakes at bay and I mention, again, that if all the piles of crap around the yard and pastures were cleaned up it would help tremendously. I wasn't hateful or snarky about it. He said "what about all the times I took the car and left you the truck". Insinuating that I'VE had plenty of opportunities to do this all on my own! We are talking about manly labor here and I'm 46 and injured! Wtf! Then when he doesn't like what I have to say about it he ends it on this note "I'm not going to argue with you about this, I love you, bye" and hangs up.....and it occurs to me....not only is he controlling the sex but he's controlling everything right down to what he deems acceptable to discuss. It's funny how you start to see your mate in a totally different light when you've come to terms that your marriage is over. My daughter is right...he's a douch.

jaimie42 jaimie42
46-50, F
5 Responses Jul 18, 2012

A yard full of venomous snakes, junk, and piles of ****? If that isn't a metaphor for the state of marriage you describe, I don't know what is! Our toxic relationships exact a physical toll. Please don't hurt yourself more. Will the visit be soothing for you, or will it also be a drain?

The visit I'm not sure about. My daughter has something she needs to unload (she's been in therapy lately) and I'm happy she's visiting. My mother on the other hand....Im always ambivalent about. Who knows why she's coming! My daughter says she asked her granny to come with her.....H doesn't know they are on their way. This could be interesting....

In story #1, you had sort of started a sort of plan re a sort of exit strategy.<br />
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Might be time to really start working on that with real intent and purpose.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Bazz...I am working the plan. In the meantime tho, since I'm the one having to kill the ever lovin venomous snakes around here, I want some damn help getting all the junk picked up in the yard! I'm worried about my dogs. Luckily the one who was bit is doing much better today.
And fwiw....H didn't call the rest of the day. He texted to cry about how he hurt himself on a piece of rebar... Boo Hoo...I dont give a rats ***.....

Jaimie, I think you KNOW this marriasge is stuffed. I sympathise with you over your illness and I know it will be hard tro get out of this marriage. But I truly think you will be happier once you are on your own.<br />
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Much sympathy over your shoulder too. How painful!! Don't overdo it - I'm sure your mother and daughter would rather you were not in pain than to have a tidy house and yard.

Yes it is. If I don't say anything, if I'm quiet, (which usually means I'm doing some major thinking and cussing in my head) then he takes that as me having an "attitude". Either way I can't win and there's still big piles of snake luring **** all out in the acreage.

In my marriage too, his "I love you" meant "the conversation is now over"... hard to get past the words and see the actions and meanings instead, isn't it.