On The Brink---need A Reality CheckOur temporary separation just ended (3 weeks) and I've told my H I want a three month real separation. So many tearful conversations. He doesn't want to separate, but I can't stand another month of sleeping next to a man that doesn't want to have sex with me. I don't want to cuddle, I don't want to do all the normal things like eat dinner or go out as a couple with someone who is basically just a friend at this point.
He says that he's tried as hard to fix things as possible, but I feel like he's done nothing. Showing up for therapy once a week for an hour---what else? I don't remember him doing anything else to make me feel desired other than saying, "I DO desire you. I just didn't act on it." and then a list of reasons he didn't act on it, from stress to performance anxiety to fatigue to ED to emotional dynamics etc etc etc. My feeling in life is that actions are what matter, not words. Does it really matter why? He didn't act on this supposed desire for over 5 years in anything but the most halfhearted way, if that, and all the excuses in the world don't change that fact. I know what it feels like to be truly desired by a man, and this ain't it.
My question is: how do you define "working on it?" What would be examples of an acceptable level of trying that you would need to move forward with your refuser? I love him, but I feel like he is totally delusional that he has tried to do anything to change the dynamic. I'm so tired of excuses. I just want to have a normal physical relationship with a man. Is there any chance a few months apart will help us reignite the spark?