Just Posted Separation News ...


For those who we are not super close to, I just posted this on Facebook & by email.

I first sent it to STBX, who said : "You should add that there were 2 pieces of sad news, this one and that I am getting worse not better".

I said I wanted to keep his illness out of it but would happily sit down with him and help him pen an email of his own, if he wanted it. He didn't.

I was pretty taken aback actually by him equating the two, and calling them both "sad news". I feel so damn GOOD about getting out of this relationship. People keep treating me like I'm in a funeral around here!!! It's one of the only positive things I have going for me right now.

Anyways here's the text:

Dear Family and Friends,

We hope that you all will provide compassion and support as we announce that we are dissolving our marriage.

Although we have amicably separated, we continue to be friends and co-parents, and our lives will forever be joined together through the love we share for our two beautiful children.

At the present, we remain resident at the same address, to provide continual support for our children and to readjust our individual lives to the new reality.

While the road ahead may diverge from the path we would have chosen, we look back with joy at the love we have shared, and equally eagerly forward to new adventures in this journey of our lives.

Thank you for your understanding,

zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger
36-40, F
16 Responses Jul 22, 2012

<p>I'm not directly on topic here, only "sort of".</p><p>I think that we tend to overestimate how important we are in other peoples lives, and in a case where one is splitting up a marriage, we ascribe far more importance to "what other people think" than actually exists.</p><p>Just about everyone who hears about ones bust up will have an opinion. "I always thought he / she was a *****" etc etc. But for the most part, after a 5 minute judgey conversation, they will think of the matter - and you - very little further.</p><p>Those really close to you, as in REALLY close, already know whats going on. These handful (or less) of people are already in your corner anyway.</p><p>I'm not holding this up as an example to follow, but when I was going, the first person who knew was my missus, then my kids, then my brother (who offered me somewhere to live when the deal went down), and my best mate.</p><p>Everyone else heard about it in manners unknown (and uncared about). Quite a few of these people rang me up afterward - not a one of them had any questions about it - (not that I would have answered them anyway).</p><p>Tread your own path.</p>

What would you do when your passive-aggressive spouse threatens to tell your parents, family, friends, and everyone on your FB network about the impending divorce? (She's hoping that way she can stop it?)

Is that even legal? Can I use it against her when we go to court?

PP: If you're asking me, I would pre-empt her blackmail attacks by going to those I loved &amp; trusted and breaking the news gently myself, and dealing with any disappointment or support or whatever comes of it. The ones who care about you will appreciate that you told them rather than her anyways. And she can't hold anything over your head that you are not afraid of happening.

PS: if you want to know if something's legal, you have to ask a lawyer in your jurisdiction. Stop thinking things are legal/non-legal before you go and investigate with a lawyer. Asking on here won't solve the issue, because the law is specific to where you live, and we all live in different locations.

And, FWIW, I couldn't have given a flying **** what my missus told anyone. As far as I know, she didn't bag me out to other people, but what the hell would it have mattered (or changed anything) if she had ?

I see it as a form of blackmail. It doesn't necessarily hurt me, but it makes me waste my time explaining to people, instead of looking over finances and preparing for the mediation.

Its a choice on your part.
If you want to see it as blackmail, and respond as if its blackmail, then it is blackmail.
If you stick to dealing in facts, its irrelevant.

4 More Responses

That is such a very mature and gentle way to do things. I am so proud of you.

Very nice. Absolutely love how you didn't single either of you out.
A bit appalled that your stbx wanted some *extra* sympathy tipped his way.
Not very mature but what can ya do? Glad you stuck with the mutual toned message.

LOVE your post to facebook. Very well said.

How long did you stay at the same address? I was reading that in my state you have to be separated at different addresses for 1 year for the divorce to become official. Also judging by our recent interactions, I cannot wait to move out.


In some jurisdictions, a notice in the classified pages of a local newspaper is warranted.<br />
<br />
It is usually worded along the lines that " as of xx/xx/xx, I (insert your name) am not responsible for debts incurred in my name - - - - - - yada yada yada"<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

yea..its party time after the leving the funeral...its time to celebrate...alas ua ouuta the helll...have fun lady

Your note expresses respect for one another and a concern for everyone's feelings.<br />
Well done, z!<br />
<br />
"I feel so damn GOOD about getting out of this relationship. People keep treating me like I'm in a funeral around here!!!"<br />
<br />
Yes! I feel for you! Depending on each persons' experience with divorce, most will mindlessly assume sadness. Every once in a while you'll happen upon an intelligent soul who will ask your mindset before they express their feelings. Latch onto those few insightful individuals...<br />
<br />

Zsu, nicely put. <br />
<br />
This is a good way to make it crystal clear to all that although you are living under the same roof, you are indeed separated (an important pre-requisite to divorce in our jurisdiction - keep a printout). 365 days from now .... you can apply for divorce. <br />
<br />
Hugs from me too.

Be well Ms Z. Keep walking, watch out for the waves of doubt and don't forget to breathe.

*hugs* :)

You should take up a new job. Publicist. Sound like a sc<x>ript that movie stars release. Well written.<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck

Very respectful.

Beautiful note! So nice to hear another person that finds the prospect of jetsoning their spouse a relief. I find I have ups and downs but for the first time in 5 years I have hope.<br />
<br />
Here is a toast to your bright future! (remember to wear your shades)