Have been marries for 11 yearswe met in high school and have 4 children. About 8 years ago things started to die in the bedroom. We have little bursts about once a month or every couple of months where sex is present for maybe a day or two. But usually its all me cuddling her and giving back rubs that lead to "no". I have expressed anger I have expressed pain and tried to help her understand why I hurt sooo much that I'm alone in my lust for my partner (more like platonic friend usually). She says she just doesn't have a desire and has even said sometimes she just too lazy (wtf). Its gotten to the point where I'm turned down before I can even try to get her in the mood. I don't want to cheat but I feel that if another woman even for one moment makes me feel desired I won't be able to stop myself. I could understand not being able to get in the mood but not even allowing me to try hurts the worst. The little moments when we do have sex make it worse and just reminds me of how good things can be. I'm drinking more and working extra hours just to distract myself. The moments I am still all I feel is depression and its gotten to the point if the kids weren't so important to me I feel I would just end it all rather then feel like this. I don't know what I expect to gain from saying any of this but just needed to say it for the first time.