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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

The Email

By: punchbag2012
Written on July 25th, 2012
Age: 41-45 , Male
594 people have read this story

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17 responses
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    dsplj

    perfectly understand what you're going through,except for the kids part...

    Jul 27, 2012
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    kim1944

    Ok so I have a different suggestion: is it possible she's not really that happy being a stay at home mom? That was me in my first marriage, it was not for me but every day my ex would be sure to let me know how "easy" I had it and how he'd love to have my life. He also got no sex (for other reasons as well). I now work full time and am a thousand times happier, and my husband gets plenty of sex. It's hard to be in the mood when you're miserable. Just a thought.

    Jul 27, 2012
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    Chai07

    Slightly off topic, but I'll get on my soapbox anyhow.



    I know a couple where he spends freely and then often objects to her (a SAHM) purchase of basic necessities for both the household and herself.



    One time she was telling me how tough it is, and I asked her "Why didn't you negotiate a better financial arrangement when the two of you got married?" She just looked at me like I had two heads.



    Next time: Marriage contract/cohab agreement.

    Jul 26, 2012
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    Petrushka

    {insert sarcasm tag here}

    Punchbag, you really need to acquire and use some serious LART.



    This email is merely an ineffectual, barely bronze medal worthy whine. You don't point out what you want to see done, you do not ask for CHANGE, you don't name any consequences, you don't draw any lines in the sand. You merely whine about how she's not pulling her weight and how she's spending all your loot. If she couldn't see anything wrong with that before, then she won't see it now either. She'll just feel mildly annoyed that her punchbag of a husband has dared disturb the tranquility of her luxurious day.

    {/sarcasm off}



    Better yet: get a lawyer to administer the LART. They have them all sorted and ready to go. And they are much more adept at applying them.

    Jul 26, 2012
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    hl42

    I've never liked emails for this kind of communication, and although I prepared many letters, never delivered them.



    What I wanted to say is that - frustration aside - you will get more of what you want if you have a laser-like focus on your purpose, and a fanatical assessment of whether or not your actions are congruent with that purpose. I suggest this email doesn't fall into that category - even if true, it's unlikely to result in behavioral change.



    The situation is basically confrontational, about a million miles away from a cooperative relationship - if that's your purpose. If your objective is to split, having given her some home truths, then have at it.



    If you spend your time and energy on your purpose, you'll find you get there with somewhat less pain and certainly quicker than otherwise.

    Jul 26, 2012
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    Neverhadachance

    I don't know you, but I am seriously proud of you. You deserve so much better.

    Jul 26, 2012
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    paxetlux

    Wow!



    1. Put on bomb disposal protection-wear.

    2. Trigger device.

    3. Survey ensuing wreckage.

    4. Shrug shoulders.

    5. Move on to next challenge.



    Alternatively, cut out steps 1 to 4, and go straight to stage 5.



    I get your purpose. I get your entirely valid grievance and she clearly has lost perspective if she ever had it in the first place, but she doesn't care or she wouldn't be there in the first place. I would love for this to work for you, I really would, but I can't see how it will. In the event that it does I will be well and truly impressed. Keep us informed.

    Jul 26, 2012
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    bazzar

    I gather your motive is to kill the marriage stone dead.



    That is probably a good idea.



    We could endlessly debate the "best" way of bringing about such an outcome (there seem to be "better" less acrimonious ways of achieving the split that you could have chosen) but your method will work, so if you are comfortable, then do it this way.



    You have, by now, seen a lawyer ?? and he has endorsed you method of scuttling the ship ??



    Tread your own path.

    Jul 25, 2012
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      ulae

      The question is, can you get a ship to self-scuttle by glaring at it. Or, sending emails.

      Jul 26, 2012
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      enna30

      The *death stare* maybe?? lol

      Jul 26, 2012
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    oceansun

    WOW, you could have a nanny for much less $$$ and do a better job then her.

    She needs a kick in the ***, and you need to cut her off.

    Jul 25, 2012
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      Oldandgone

      a nanny, a cook and a maid for less money. And still some left over to go on dates.

      Jul 26, 2012
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      oceansun

      All could be al those things and much more wink*

      Jul 27, 2012
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    Frustrated1978

    I am not one for email's or letters. In my experience the reciepient of them usually doesn't give a fu..ck and sees them as more of the bitching they have to put up with.



    As spoken to you on other occassions if you cant sit down amicably with your wife and sort out your marriage than it really is time you see a lawyer.



    Stay Strong & Good Luck

    Jul 25, 2012
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    88ElmiraSt

    Dude, put this relationship out of its misery. You got that off your chest (she probably gave it a glance and deleted it without a second thought). Now call a lawyer.

    Jul 25, 2012
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    mvcmvc

    What is the main thrust of the letter? What is your purpose in sending this?



    Is it to simply vent or is there some behavorial changes you wish to take place.



    And if there are behavior changes you want to take place, what, specifically, would they be?



    What is her response to the letter - or did you even get a response?

    Jul 25, 2012
    2 likes
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    laurapetrie

    How did that go over??

    Jul 25, 2012
    2 likes