Progressive, But Devastated

This week, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I've lived with her for 15 years, married for 10. I accepted it was a sexless marriage 8 long years ago, but that was very hard for me, and took me to some very dark places.

Anyway, I was shocked and it hurt really badly when she said she wanted the divorce. I was stunned at how painful a weekend it has been. She even mentioned the fact that we hadn't had sex in forever. Funny how things twist sometimes. To this day, I still desire sex with her. She has been the most beautiful thing in my life. No problem, no divorce, will ever change that.

It hurts that we are going to tear down this life we built, even with all the other issues. We both worked hard to get where we are. The last six months have been very difficult with job issues, deaths, and other changes.

I hope, however this finishes, that she finds what she needs to be happy. No one deserves to be unhappy in their relationships. For me, the road has an uphill climb, but there is an end now. I can start to mend my fences, as I have things that I need to address with myself. It is amazing how damaging the self-loathing and personal neglect can be in a relationship without physical love. Now I need to regrow to love myself again.

LifesLongRoad LifesLongRoad
36-40, M
9 Responses Jul 29, 2012

Woah woah woah. What? This woman has done horrific damage to you, didn't have sex with you for 8 years, and you feel she 'deserves to be happy?' F that! No she does not!!!! She tortured you, and now that there are 'job issues' she is jumping ship. You were a meal ticket!!!! The most beautiful thing in you life is your future bro! You were just given what many here are dying for - a way out of their marriages to spouses that don't desire them. Yes, this is gonna suck for awhile. But it is not true that 'everyone deserves to be happy.' Users and abusers do not deserve to be happy, they deserve to be ostracized! This woman may not have 'wrecked your life,' but she sure as hell made it hard as hell for you!!!! Why the F do you want her to be happy? <br />
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Seriously now, why do you want her to be happy?

I am going through a similar experience,I am financially ruined by a woman who cheated on me for 2 yrs.She is all about the money and I have been an idiot for not have seen this coming.I guess I knew but lived in denial.One of the important things I have learnt is that peace and love cannot be bought.Yes I will move with my life but why does she deserve happiness.

She deserves to be happy: you too. You deserve to look again at yourself as you used to do before your relation failed. You deserve sex, have fun, enjoy life. <br />
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I am through the same. My decission was made last week. Yesterday night I sobbed like I had never done in my whole life. But tomorrow, who knows ?<br />
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Luck !

Make it as easy a transition as you can on yourself, and her.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Sexless typically means loveless. I hope you will rebuild your life with a woman who will love you enough to bring all the sex you want back into your life. I just wish you did not waste 8 years of your life in dark places.

I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless. -JustMe

Good luck with wherever you decide to go from here - it can surely only be better and more comfortable for you

That is the final cruelty isn't it. You stick it out with no physical ex<x>pression of love, and turns out there wasn't really any love at all... and no reason to be sticking it out.<br />
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Stick around, there is a lot of support to be had here...<br />
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Much empathy,<br />

I've been married for 18 years, sexless for 10 years, sleep in seperate rooms. I understand how hard it is. I wish I were younger like you with a chance to start over but I'm too old, too tired. Good luck

MrMoose,hang in there.You are not alone.I've been married for 17yrs,been cheated on and wife has moved on.When the cookie jar is empty,"Miss Long Fingers" soon found another jar to dip into.

I am sad to hear that your marriage ending is causing you such grief. You have my sincere sympathy. <br />
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Knowing that you can now find and build a relationship that has everything you want in it is going to help you get through the dark days ahead I hope.<br />
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Other ILIASMers, this story is a "cautionary tale" for those who think their Refusers will never pull the pin on the marriage. Something to think about . . . ?