Impotent From Diabetes~ Then The Intimacy Stopped

I have been married to my husband for 10 years. The first 8 were non stop sex,.passion,.intimacy,.just perfect !!

We love each other very much,.two years ago he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes,.he has lost 60 lbs,.looks amazing, but he is impotent. I have never let that bother me since our sex life had always been pretty open to anything.

He completely shut down his passion, doesn't kiss or is not passionate at all. I try to play with him and get shut down every time. This has been so hard on me. And it is taking a toll on our marriage ( my part) he would be perfectly fine with never kissing,.touching and having sex again.

I am tired of crying myself to sleep,.I am tired of talking to him about it when I get the """WHATS WRONG??? "" when I hear that I could spit nails !!!

I am out of answers,..we were perfect !!! I feel like he is pushing me away from him so much I am losing feelings for him...Its scaring me !
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5 Responses Jul 29, 2012

Somewhere I recall, although it has been years since I made those marraige vows that the words "For better or worse and in sickness and in health".come to mind. Of all things that cannot for a large part be corrected or prevented between two marrieds sickness is one that must be accepted and dealt with accordingly. Love and respect does not stop but but a illness can change our lives dramatically.<br />
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I can fully understand your husband's seemingly offstandish attitude for he probably feels no longer a man because of his infirmity. The very essence of his manhood is no longer within his control. I suspect he is operating in a depressed state ,low self esteem and anxiety.<br />
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It is a time for you to perhaps try to be more understanding of what is transpiring here and to encourage hm to seek out a competent doctor's care and advice.<br />
When a man can no longer serve as man in every sense the negative impact on his life and all those around him suffers.<br />
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I have a great empathy for you both but do cut him a little slack and remain as supportive as you can. It really is not about you but him at this moment.

Zorbas, I couldn't DISagree more. After 2 years of asking "what's wrong", after his diabetes is under control and he's lost the weight, if he's not running to his doctor asking for help, it's NO LONGER time for "cutting a little slack". Sickness is NOT an excuse to indefinitely ignore your spouse's needs. If he's impotent, he still has hands, fingers, tongue, and toys to consider. If he is completely ignoring her needs, he is selfish and self-absorbed, and she needs to be vocal and take charge of her life. I lived for 10 years with someone like this. This month we separated. I stayed BECAUSE he was sick but I should have LEFT.

I absolutely agree with you, zsu. I was very patient with the medical issues. I waited and waited. I gently prodded him to seek answers. I waited some more. After too many half-hearted attempts and too long without sex, I'd had enough.

I recommend that you ask a divorce lawyer: " My husband lost 60 lbs and refuses to have sex with me. Duh..... what does that mean? " <br />
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Ask 10 random people on the street the exact same question.

I could have sworn I responded to this.....???

I could have written this, but instead of diabetes we have 2 beautiful children.<br />
Hang in there sweetie, eventually the tears wither and stop..........eventually.

Welcome.<br />
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Without any back story to go on, it seems that your position is that 'everything is great bar the sex'.<br />
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That would have you on common ground with many many initial posters to this group - and as such is an excellent place to start your search for the truth.<br />
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Would you be up to searchingly challenge your thinking that 'everything is great bar the sex ' ? You see, in your own words you paint a picture of a bloke who is completely insensitive to your needs as a woman / wife. And, under most circumstances, one finds this attitude spilling over into other aspects of the relationship. And, that in reality, everything is NOT great, plus there is no sex.<br />
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The truth about the state of your marriage is the starting point to moving this forward. It is well worth a thorough and rigorous examination. <br />
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Tread your own path.