'i Gave You The Best Years Of My Life!'These words still ring in my ears. It has been 7 yrs since the divorce.She was so freaking mad. I really thought she would have shot me if she had a gun available.
So why would I leave such a sweet charming woman?
It all started with her becoming a refuser. At first it was polite. "I am so tired tonight, let's wait till the weekend!"
Then the weekend came, "I am so stressed out, it has been such a tough week."
Well five months of this, and I lost it!
Then she explains about how much she loves me, but the idea of sex with me disgust her? Now where did that come from? We had been married 12 yrs at this point, two kids.
I was confused, but in love with my kids, so I was going no where.
I asked her a few months later..."Do i really disgust you?"
She replied , " What are you talking about, of course not!"
Well that was good to hear, but how come were still in the no contact mode?
I again bring up the subject, suggesting we need help, as I was not very happy living like this.
"I have no problems, I just don't want to have sex with you" she declares.
I bring up the idea of divorce, or maybe even an open marriage, so at least we could both get a booty call every once in a while. (I was joking about the booty call, but wanted to see her reaction)
So when she finally calmed down enough that we could talk, it became obvious. Divorce was an "over my dead body" proposition. Sex was never gonna happen again as long as I was married to her. So, I guess I was to become a monk at the age of 33, because she didn't feel like it?
Eventually, the kids graduated from High School, and I served her papers.
Mistake, don't ever do it yourself. have a marshall or lawyer do it! Yikes.
so now 7 yrs later, she has moved back in with me. This time it is purely for financial reasons. Her new job pays half what she was making. I am unemployed, but have a paid off house. so were once again under the same roof.
Now the awkward part comes into play. Do I sit her down and ask her why she decided sex with me was so bad, or do I just drop it!
I have always wondered why? someone suggested maybe sex was painful after our second child. I doubt that is true, because we never had sex after our second child was born!
Maybe she had been raped on a business trip and was ashamed to tell me, and is too traumatized to have sex again?
Maybe, but I doubt it! If she could not come to her husband about something like that, who could she go to?
I suspect that she had decided long before our children were born, that sex was going to go away. maybe it was her plan before we even before we got married.
I don't know the answers, as she will never tell me, even on her death bed.
So yes, I took the best years of her life, but I was willing to share everything with her, apparently she had no intentions of sharing!
ps. sorry if this is in the wrong group. I obviously am no longer in a sexless marriage, but it seems this group would much better understand my feelings on the subject.
AnIrishwarrior 56-60, M 10 Responses 2 Jul 30, 2012