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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Im Stuck In A Marriage!

By: beautifulstar123
Written on July 31st, 2012
I have been married to my husband for 3 years now. We have been around each other for about 20yrs and made us exclusive 5yrs. Well within this time, he has become a totally different man. No compassion, no sex drive, no goals, no communication, no fun and the list goes on and on. I tried everything to get him to see that I'm fed up including filing for separation. He wouldn't agree to separate but he agreed to counseling. Needless to say, we never went and I feel like I'm stuck n this marriage because he won't let me go. What do I do? Do I find someone on the side? I still love my husband but sometimes love just isn't enough
By: beautifulstar123
Age: 31-35 , Female
431 people have read this story

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9 responses
  • restartingmylife
    restartingmylife

    If you really want out, or at least want him to change, you can take control over this. Believe me, it does open up your spouse's eyes when you say you are leaving. Let me rephrase that. Don't just say it, do it. I was at that point about 7 months ago, couldn't take any more rejection, and after confessing to her what I needed on my end during counseling and her ignoring me, I walked out. Immediately after my departure she said she was ready to change. I could have gone back, and still could, but can't get the negative feelings out of my mind that I felt for 4 out of the 6 years we were married. We did not know each other for as long as you and your husband do, but it has been almost 15 years of being together. I was tired of being roommates, and know that it is crushing her for me to be gone, but I took control and am starting over. You can do it if you really want to.

    Jul 31, 2012
    2 likes
  • paxetlux
    paxetlux

    Sounds as if he can't cope with life and is sucking you down with him. He has already partly succeeded. This sort of thing can be 'infective' like a virus, changing your personality as his personality changes and never for the better.



    As Baz says you simply don't have to negotiate with him over the bigger picture, the rest is just mere details. And negotiation for him is only about getting what he wants, not about giving. Hence it is not negotiation at all.



    Your future is yours to own, now or later.

    Jul 31, 2012
    1 like
  • SammBrown
    SammBrown

    Since your husband knows u for long he is attached to u. Hence separating will be difficult for both of u, as much as possible continue the relation. If u separate and marry another person the situation might be same after few years. Usually people get bored with the same partner. You can do two things:



    1. Find another man by the side and have sex.

    2. Ask ur husband if he likes the idea of wife swapping. That way both of u get a change.

    Jul 31, 2012
    1 like
    • beautifulstar123
      beautifulstar123

      I have considered the side man but I'm terrified of KARMA! Yes he is very attached to me. I think he is holding on cuz I'm apart of his routine in life. He thinks change is bad except when he is the change I guess

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like
    • SammBrown
      SammBrown

      Hmm... What in specific are you worried about KARMA ? I come from religion which believes in it..so maybe i can help.

      Aug 5, 2012
      1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    You don't have to have the imprimatur of the other person to separate. You don't have to have the other persons agreement or approval, or acquiescence to divorce either.



    You claim to have already "filed for separation". I assume this is a law in your jurisdiction. If so, it might be wise to dust off the file and re-activate that action.



    Leave him free to "not do" all manner of things he so enjoys not doing. And you, will be free to do the sort of things you do like doing.



    Win / win is it not ?



    It may be God's own truth that you love him, but that does NOT make it obligatory that you have to live with him.



    Tread your own path.

    Jul 31, 2012
    1 like
    • beautifulstar123
      beautifulstar123

      Thanks for the advice. By law, where I live at, I have to prove he has resided in a different address from me for 18 months in order to file anything. I didn't file, I only threatened him verbally. Maybe I should have worded that differently. That's where he opposed the separating option for the counseling. Hopefully he will open his eyes and recognize that ur forgot to love his wife or I will be searching, creating, and/or joining the group for the freshly divorced!

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like
    • bazzar
      bazzar

      In these matters, it is very very unwise to "bluff". Anyway, it "worked" in as much as it showed him to be a liar - he didn't deliver on his undertaking about counselling either. So you KNOW that he does not do what he said he'd do. Unfortunately, he KNOWS this about you too. After he dudded you on the counselling, you didn't file.
      It would seem that you - as the more unhappy spouse - are going to have to start this off again. Going to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction would be a good way of so doing.

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like
    • beautifulstar123
      beautifulstar123

      Thanks for the reality check.

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like