My Answer To This

i have doen everything in my power to have my wife go back to the way it was. it seems as though she is happy without sex, or she is getting it form somewhere else. ether way, i tried to understand and get her to understand what she was doing to our didnt seem to matter...i offered to get her toys hoping to enhance her desires..the hardest part for me was that she used to love her *******...i tried to bring in amothre man to see if that would help her respond...i became submissive ...nothing worked.... she would get worked up enough about another man that she would ttalk about it...tellme what she would do ...or wanted done ...but would never do it...finally i decided to get me another partner...unfortunaltely , i couldnt go through with i just took care of my needs myslef...thinkin about her doing some of the things we had done in the past...the longer it went on...the more the fantasies got away from me...involving opther men...watching her...watching them...then that wasnt got kinkier as time went on...the fantasies began to take a life of their own...then it became about the men more than about her...i was now ************ about the men...then one day i actually got an opportunity to be with one...i had never even imagined that i would enjoy such a thing... i found that i am really submissive...and really like to be appreciated and encouraged by them...the two different men that i have been with have both been married so it has worked out well...i dont have any guilty feelings b/c its not with another woman.... when she does let me have my way with her...2 times this is still good for me...but she has basically lost me to the she thinks that i dont love her...which i do very much...things will never be the same for all of you that think a sexless marriage doesnt
shadrackjones shadrackjones
56-60, M
8 Responses Jul 31, 2012

SHAD, Have you considered taking her to see a Urologist, just to be sure all is working properly. They can do many things to help.

Very sad. Sorry to hear you are so tortured. Most women are different than men in the way that we need affection and connection to be interested in sex. It sounds like she has that and you have tried so it is hard to understand. Wives need to realize their husbands need sex as men need the physical stimulation to encourage the feelings of love. Even if we aren't truly interested in sec initially, once things get started we usually end up enjoying ourselves and being glad we participated. Sounds like she needs to simply try and get back on the horse. Best of luck to you that things turn them selves around and work out.

Reminds me of the woman George was dating who broke off and discovered she was lesbian. ("Not that there's anything wrong with that" --- Jerry.)

Dysfunctional marriage.<br />
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If you've read here at any length at all, you know the rest - lawyer / exit strategy etc.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I don't know a better way to put this, but...serves her right. Does she know you've been with the other men, that they've replaced her in your fantasies? I'd be fascinated to know what her response would be. Clearly from a 'sick curiosity standpoint, though...I am not telling you what to do with your relationship

she knows...she watches...sometime she will get naked...but not always...she has actually touched the other man intimately

You are a lost soul. Leave this marriage before you completely lose your marbles

I find this interesting. I noticed that, when my wife went in to all out refuser mode, and some time leading up to it, ANY physical contact was very intense and almost intimidating. I found that I needed to be touched by someone, anyone! Can't say it made me gay, BUT it did certainly make my mind wander in any direction that seemed less rejecting. <br />
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Note well - cheating with guys is actually worse than cheating with girls. Why? Men who have sex with other men are at a MASSIVELY increased risk for HIV. Get tested, and make sure your partners are tested, etc...

There are undoubtedly occasions when I don't know how to respond to someone else and today, at least, you are it. I don't think it is because I am prudish. At least I hope it is not because I am prudish, but I just don't know where one might pick up the end of a thread and go with it.<br />
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You certainly sound very fatalistic about your predicament. Maybe it is the incongruity of your situation that has brought other facets of your personality to the surface that have been subsumed until now. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with that but I guess I am just suggesting that her lack of desire for sex with you may not have caused you to be "lost to the other side", if I may put it like that. It may well have always been there, unrecognised by you until now. Many 'experts' believe that it is not possible to be changed in this manner, if I may phrase it that way.<br />
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And none of it is necessarily relevant to your primary concern in the first place. It is still your problem with her and the lack of sex with her. Yet, as I said at the start, you seem resigned to the situation, like a rabbit in the headlights waiting to be run over. It is true that sometimes it is necessary to accept some problems can't be fixed. All you can do is to try to move around them, always assuming, of course, that you want to.