"i Never Intended To Hurt You"Last night I texted with my H, who is in CA with his family. I told him how shocked and nauseated I am by all the stuff I've been reading about passive aggression---I can't believe how twisted it all is, all these mind games, like I've been used as some tool for him to take out his anger at the world in all these insidious ways. I told him I couldn't imagine ever trusting him with my feelings again, the betrayal is too great.
And while he did apologize and say how terrible he feels, he ALSO said that he "never intended" to do this to me and it "wasn't conscious." Well WTF does that have to do with it??????? Do alcoholics "intend" to be drunks? Do men who hit their kids "intend" to be abusers? Is it conscious? I feel like it's just more mental weaseling, finding ways to fully take responsibility for his behavior. For all these years he never once took any responsibility for his behavior and blamed it all on me or outside things. What else is new?
Honestly, maybe there is just a chip missing in him, or something. I can't express how different he and our marriage look in retrospect as I see things without the veil of hope or desperation.
I am disgusted.
nyartgal 36-40, F 11 Responses 3 Aug 3, 2012