Free At Last, Free At Last; Well Almost..........

I have finally seen a solicitor and the ball is rolling. There is a bright light at the end of a fairly short tunnel!

It has been a little over a year since I joined ILIASM and in that time things have just moved so quickly. Whilst my H knows that the end is near he has been in denial and tomorrow I tell him about the solicitor and how I want our property settlement to go.

If he is agreeable to my terms, as soon as we sign I am financially an independent entity. My solicitor has earmarked our appointment day as our official separation date and we will be free to divorce in a year. Strangely my plans still involve us living in the same house and for our financial settlement not to take place until mid 2016. This way my son has us both with him until he finishes school and my daughters dont have to move out.

For those who know a little about me, my BF is still married but he has a 5 year plan and he has actually begun his exit strategy. I hope that he doesnt go the way of Conflicted 123 and when push comes to shove just cant make the move; regardless though I am escaping. At least this way I give myself a chance at finding happiness even if I never find someone else who rocks my world.

I have spent many hours thinking that I could stay, choose to be happy with him, make it work but when it's over, it's over and I really believe that in fact it may always have been over - we were just too naive to see it. You cant get back what you in fact never really had.

I am scared but at the same time feel this strange sense of contentment. Being part of ILIASM has been instrumental in my progress; it opened me to a whole new world of possibility and gave me some fabulous advice and insight.

All of you have provided me with a short cut freedom.

Thank You.
angeleyes6972 angeleyes6972
46-50, F
5 Responses Aug 4, 2012

The "out" is for you and you alone.<br />
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The boyfriends 5 year plan is a totally separate matter, and I don't know that I'd be factoring him into the equation real seriously at this point.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Yes the out is definitely for me. And whilst I do factor him in [can't help myself] I am very, very aware that talk is just talk and 5 years is a long time and many things can happen in my world and his.

Still, I have hope :-)

Good for you.

I couldn't agree more - ILIASM is a godsend. I also understand your fear. I'm scared too as my separation draws near. I'm a middle-aged woman who's lived as a married person for almost all of my adult life. Now I will be single and that will bring its own blessings and challenges. <br />
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It takes great strength, conviction and resolve to follow your truth. I think it's much easier to stay unhappy. At least you know the extent and depth of the unhappiness, and our next steps are completely unknown.<br />
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You have done a wonderful job and behaved with great integrity. Though you've made decisions, be prepared for them to change. He may have other ideas than you when things finally settle in for him or you may decide that the living arrangement isn't going to work for you. But one thing I've truly come to believe is if we just get out of the way and let go, the universe will take us where we need to go.<br />
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Blessings to you.

Isn't this interesting! I am in a very similar position. I congratulate you on seeing the lawyer; that is my next step. Today was my "deal-breaker" day, and he broke it. I would like the children to be able to live here as well, so we will likely not be together, though we will be living under the same roof. One must do the best one can. <br />
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Your story is encouraging!

Congrats . I hope it goes well