My Life Is Fake

I know how you feel - I am there too....



You have to find your value to yourself....none else can provide that for you. You do not exist in what others think of you... you exist in what you think. I know how hard it is to remain positive about yourself. I am having a rough time tonight...but tomorrow I will wake up and go to work and somewhere along the line I will re-gain my self respect. I will resolve yet again that this is not forever...and I will deposit money into my exit plan account.

I hear what you're saying. There is no easy answer but you do need to find the real you( without the additional layers). Do what you feel is the best way for you. You need to believe in yourself and decide 1 thing at a time to bring the real you out to stay. And let everyone learn to deal with you working to be happier. So what if everyone's patterns changes too. If you don't the stress is going to make you blow your top when you can't take anymore. I wish you the best and will pray for you but you have to make your decisions and see where they end up... Stress equals health problems so take care of you and be well.

lonly, you need to read TOXIC PARENTS, the key to your trying to please everyone may be in your childhood. It is a learned behavior that can be unlearned and you can take your life back....and maybe, yes, leave the hubby and the kids and town and start again~ whatever i takes to learn to love yourself~

lonlywife, I'm sorry to say this, but in order to live authentically, you need to leave your marriage.



You are hiding your true self with your community and family, and the false front is creating emotional turmoil for you. You are unhappy with your home life, because you are being emotionally abused and treated like a stranger.



If you have been working in this family business, I bet you've got marketable skills. You should try searching for jobs in other towns or states. Go on interviews. See what's available, and what your skills are worth to other companies. If you want, you can even think of it as an "experiment" or an "investigation," just to find out the WHAT-IFs. It's not a commitment to leave... it's just gathering knowledge.



What if you could find yourself a good job elsewhere? What if you could move on, and rediscover yourself? What if you could make new friends and have a nice life?



...Wouldn't that be great???

One word: Boundaries. Let's start with the offspring who is getting married. Why do you have to pay, or help pay, for this? You're out of work, he's out of work--weddings do not have to be expensive affairs, and starting a marriage off by not taking responsibility for what one can, or cannot, afford, sets a bad precedent. Will this son not love you if you don't pay? I say go for his respect by telling him that you can't afford monetary assistance but will help with something else.



Next let's look at hubby. Why does he think you are the cause of your predicament? Has he elaborated on this?



And then the respect issue. My siblings will always see me as the little sister who knows nothing and is incapable regardless of how many times I pull their behinds out of the fire. I hope you know how to put your phone on mute and leave business for business hours. If I had to both work with my siblings every day AND live within spitting distance, someone would have to die!



Finally, remember the golden rule of system dynamics: If one person tries to effect a change, a dysfunctional system will do anything to keep that change from happening. You'll have to find support outside of this system because if you indeed are the one keeping it together, they will like you even less if you try to take care of yourself instead.



So we are back to the first word: Boundaries. Don't answer the phone after business hours, turn off the money spigot that is empty anyway, and pull away from helping without acknowledgement. It feels sooooo good to say "no."

YEP! I looked back at your story titles...You want CHANGE?? (Jeez I feel like Obama!) There is only ONE way to do this! Gotta change those panties!! You know the BIG GIRL ones!! I can tell you have no POWER in your present relationship..With EVERYONE! What you're missing is the POWER to say NO! It's NOT easy and you have to figure out WHERE to make a STAND! You have to look for it..Could be anywhere! The next time someone asks you to do something say NO!! You don't have to be disrespecrful or hateful. RULE: When you are firm with people ,,They respond and respect! TRY IT!! STOP being a "doormat" to everyone that is in your life!! Helping out finacially with ANYTHING that will compromise your life later is ******* STUPID!! I'm not telling you anything you don't already know in that area!





Look...I have kids (grown) and I know what it's like... Have they asked me for money? YES! Did I give it to them ?? NO! Not because I don't love them.. But because I wanted them to stand on thier own..Don't get me wrong ..I would NOT let them starve..But guess what..As soon as they learned that D&M were not thier personal ATM they never asked for finacial help again..







As far as your kids loving you...I think they love you..They just don't RESPECT you... Gotta stand up for YOURSELF..NO one is gonna take care of you but YOU!!





As far as "HURTING" others ...WHY would you give a rats ***?? THEY all have hurt you! Obiously they don't give a crap!! My main point is...YOU have to be VERBAL and tell folks how you REALLY feel or they'll NEVER get it!! And YOU will be miserable...forever.....

take a sabbatical ...tell everyone you are going on retreat and force them to care for themselves and instead take time off at a spa or resort and see what you can explore....and find in yourself....Because it sounds like you miss the real you underneath the facade of Family life .... which happens to many a parent......

I feel I am out of options. I really do want to stay married, but not the way it is. I sound so pathetic. I am under such stress, I need someone to support me and listen to me.

"I hate my life"



I think it is much worse than that. I think that you hate yourself. You hate yourself for the life that you have made. You hate yourself for the decisions you make or don't make. About the only thing you possibly don't hate is the fact that you hate yourself.



You are showing pretty typical signs of someone who is seriously depressed, helplessness, lack of perspective, lack of hope, unwilling to invest in yourself, ready to throw the towel in on life. Your husband has his own issues given his unemployment and the financial situation you find yourselves in. You have two choices as of the moment, notwithstanding any lack of intimacy or sex which you don't actually mention, you either pull together as a team or you get crushed underneath it all. You may consider that trite and condescending but it is what it is. I've been there done that, by myself. I don't think it matters that much whether you are alone in it all or live with someone who you blame for letting you down. In the end it has to be all about you and what you are going to do.



Sorry I can't be more cheerful. Liberate yourself, whatever that might mean to YOU.

You have been on this forum for four years.



You have received much quality input from commentators on your various stories.



Any plans to improve the overall quality of your life?

Wow, you are in a lot of pain, but if you don't talk about it, it will eat you alive. If you are unhappy, get out of the marriage. If your kids are not grateful then why are you killing yourselves to help them? I know they are your kids, but they are grown now, and coddling them wont help.