So the last time I wrote I was in the depths of despair. I found out the real reason for my sm, which was horrifying but also freeing. Since that day I've filed for divorce, kicked the husband out, and I've spent the last couple weeks being emotionally supported by friends and family. I'm working through how the last 15 years have been nothing but a lie and I'm looking forward to the future. Had a heart to heart with my STBX and he revealed that he had been molested by 3 different people as a child. Im the only person he's ever told. If only he had faced that demon years ago.....
He's being compliant, very compliant. He's doesn't have an attorney and intends to give me pretty much whatever I want out of the divorce. He is paying the bills and giving me money every week. He is helping me to take care of some things around here, for example we had a horse that needed to be rehomed and he took care of that. (we have a small hobby farm). The oven quit working and he called a repairman to come out. I have no complaints. In the next week or two we are going to sit down and I wil outline exactly what I want as far as the house,our son, etc. If he agrees and I don't know why he wouldn't, my attorney will draw up and file the papers, we will waive the 90 day waiting period and I will be a single woman!!!!!
In the meantime, just in case he gets a wild hair, I have a temporary order of support and custody- cuz I'm no fool ;)
I just want to thank everyone here too! You guys are the best when it comes to lifting someone up and helping them to see the light!
I haven't given up on love, never will. I'm a dreamer and I believe there is someone out there just waiting for me :)
jaimie42 jaimie42
46-50, F
10 Responses Aug 6, 2012

A word of encouragement for all those thinking about making that scarey leap into divorce:<br />
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It just gets easier and more glorious by the day!!!! I'm finally able to quit buying boxes of Kleenex...lol I feel great, I'm getting sh*t done around here for a change! I never minded being alone and often was since he is a truck driver, but now my world does not revolve around his phone calls. I go to bed when I want, I get up when I want and I do what I want. I'm loving every minute of it. I even love the fact that I don't have to buy groceries ba<x>sed on his tastes. He's a junk food junkie and my son and I like to eat healthy. And this may seem small but it's huge to me....he never would let me buy the better, more expensive brand of dog food. I changed the brand the week I kicked him out! Life is good and only getting better :)

You obviously have legal counsel, AND you have the initiative.<br />
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Two excellent things to have.<br />
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Tread your own path.

That is great news! You are very smart to move things along as fast as possible before he changes his mind on being compliant. My friend just got an awesome settlement because she moved swiftly while he was in the "right" fr<x>ame of mind. She wiped him out financially before he knew what hit him. So save any sympathy until after the settlement. If you have any guilt about it, you could always throw him some crumbs after.

Really happy to see you so strong!

Good luck to you Jaime. Your future now begins.<br />
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Stay STrong & Good Luck

I've thought of you often since you're last post and am glad that things are progressing quickly. Big hugs to you!

Justpeaches, thank you so much!<br />
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Chai, I'm unemployed so that's not a possibility. Even if it was, under the circumstances in which this is ending, I wouldn't do that for him anyways. He's paying my attorney fees. I don't give two $hits about what he may or may not want. I think you read my last story because you commented on it. He's being so compliant because I hold the cards. There is still a possibility of criminal charges against him. That's totally up to my daughter. I have no qualms about taking everything. He stole my daughters innocence and made my life a living emotional hell for the last 10 years. Taking everything is a small pennence for what he has done.

Congratulations jaimie - time to find your own brand of happiness!

Chai, you are indeed right. But I can't make him get an attorney. That's his choice.

You could pay for one to represent him?

Nope. He's a grown up, and if he agrees to this stuff without legal counsel, that is HIS responsibility. Jaimie, your shared responsibility for his well-being is coming to an end. Your attorney will have a pretty good idea of what is reasonable in your jurisdiction. Go for that, plus a little more, and don't feel bad about it for a second.

Blue, sure, as long as that's OK in her jurisdiction. I wouldn't want the agreement to come back and bite her. These days coffee cups carry warnings that the contents are hot, just in case the so-called adults can't figure that out.

The attorney and I discussed it. It must be ok because he said go for it.

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Admiring your progress! <br />
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Um, I expect it varies between jurisdictions, but here it's usually recommended that both spouses have independent legal advice ... lest one party come back later and cry duress or ignorance. <br />
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