A Sexless Marriage That Eventually Ended In Divorce

I was in a sexless marriage, our sex life at the start was wonderful, after the birth of our 2nd child my now ex-husband, that i still love very much, stopped touching me, in anyway. i was so confused.  was i fat and ugly to him? What did i do wrong? was he gay? I had many friends that knew we had a sexless marriage and the men i knew for the life of them could not believe it. They all said i was sexy and very appealing but that becomes hard to believe when ur love of ur life won't touch you. Somewhere along the line i believe for some reason he lost respect for me, but as much as i begged him to explain to me what the problem was, he would never tell me. I never cheated on him, always kept the house clean, always had dinner on the table when he came home from work and was a very active mother with our sons. Finally our marriage ended which was devastating to me, but i did not want our children to grow up in a home thinking that a marriage was simply 2 friends co-parenting. So despite ALL of my efforts i agreed to the divorce. Much to my dismay the day he left our home and moved into the one he bought behind my back, 2 blocks away, he introduced our children to his girl friend and her son the very first weekend the kids went to stay at their dads home. I was beyond hurt. He swears to this day that he never cheated on me but how can i believe it when he had a g/f the first weekend he left? Perhaps he never cheated on me sexually but i have no doubt that he was obviously having at the very min. an emotional affair before he left. The 2 of them never worked out, she dumped him about a year and a half after he left me, the day after he lost his job. i HATED him and LOVED him at the same time. 3 years after he left me we managed to work through our anger and have luckily become GREAT friends again. BUT it was a hellish road.
AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
2 Responses Apr 30, 2007

Very ironic? It is important that your mate respects you. As women I think we lose our power to becoming concerned mothers/wives. We put ourselves last instead of the girl who is first with perfect hair, makeup and a rockin body. Sad but true. He should respect you, sounds like you really took on a battle and are doing well now. I wish you the best, no matter what the outcome.

Sadly yes, although i fought it every step of the way, we did counseling (haha) we only went 2x, but in the end as i posted else where if only 1 person truly wants the marriage it will never work.<br />
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NOW; here is the bizaar twist, as i said i came to the conclusion that somewhere along the line he for some reason lost respect for me. Well a week ago i did something quite profound for myself and my kids, it's written in my story called *I finally grew a back bone* When i told my ex, who i now can say 3 years later is once again my BEST FRIEND :), his reply to me was * Thank God!! I am so damn proud of you!! You are becoming the woman I fell in love with again.* Hearing him say anything positive to me about me i thought would NEVER happen. Where that leads us who knows? Oddly divorced people sometimes do re-marry. I'm not holding my breath, because I doubt it will happen, BUT I also doubted that I would ever hear him say that he was proud of me either :) The divorce was SO hard, but I would not change the decision if i got the chance because my kids now see 2 happy parents and they have gotten glimpses of real loving relationships. Ironically both my ex and i came from homes that were loveless and sexless marriages.