My Marriage Sucks...
Good Day good people.
This could turn into quite a long read so, quickly run along and get some coffee!!
Well, I am 27 and the wife is 29. We have a beautiful daughter of 2 years. We've been married for 3 years but together for 8 in total. While dating, in the beginning, we didn’t have sex for the first 10 months. This, all due to the fact that she was going through some stuff and I didn’t want to pressure her into sex. I fell in love with her from the minute we met. Well after her ordeal was sorted out and we got our HIV results back we started having sex like rabbits. Anywhere; anytime countless times a day! She was no stranger to initiating sex so in that department we were doing quite well. There were even times that I thought she was a bit too much for me!
Well this went on for the better part of 3 years. Then our sex life hits a drastic halt and I am like WTF?? When I tried speaking to her about this she always dismissed it. Well to cut a very long story short, she started an affair with some guy at her new job and after months and months of me asking her if there is something going on between her and him and all my suspicions, she breaks down one day and confesses that they are indeed having a affair. But then she turns around and says that I drove her into this guys' arms by always being on the lookout if she was cheating or not. Her statement contradicts itself coz she was having the affair all the time. I broke down on this day and smacked her twice. For the first time in my life I had lifted my hands to a female. I still had not forgiven myself for this and apologized profusely for this countless times. I even attended counseling for this.
Anyway, after months of trying to sort stuff out, we finally do and all is forgiven. We go on with our lives, me still in therapy for hitting her, while she thinks that it is ok for her to still have a friendship with this guy. After months of trying to convince her that if things are to work out between us that she really needed to end this friendship with this guy or get another job. Well he eventually leaves that job and all ties are broken between them.
Me and her carry on with our relationship and the sexlife is really going down now. Then it picks up for a bit again. Well then I propose to her. We agree that we are not going to have sex while we plan the wedding. This lead to about 6 months of no sex. So we get married and don’t have sex on our first night of marriage coz its that time of the month for her. A week or so later I see that the granny panties have now been replaced by the usual thongs/g-strings. I make my advance to her but get hit with a "No not tonight" followed by "I’m too tired". This goes on for a while. After about 2 months of marriage and about 8 long sexless months we finally have sex for the first time in our married life. We then are busy trying to have a baby and things are going well. I get promoted at work twice in the space of 6 months and things are looking up for us.
I come home from work one day and she is ecstatic at the fact that she is pregnant. I am too, very happy about this.
So we have some more tests done and are now certain that she is indeed pregnant. We had sex a few times during the pregnancy. From month 4 in the pregnancy up until the time she gives birth, we only had sex once. This all at her request. She never felt in the mood; too tired; body hurting; etc. Even though the doctor told us that we should have as much sex as possible coz she had some complications and he suggested that in order to make giving birth as painless as possible we should have sex throughout the pregnancy. She decided on her own that she knows better than the doc and gave up on sex during the pregnancy.
The doc says that 3 months should be ok and we can start having sex again. Well... 3 months came and 3 months went; 8 months came and 8 months went and eventually she gives in to all my "nagging" as she puts it. So I am feeling rather chuffed and think that the worst is over now. NOT. Lets just say that after 3 years of marriage I can almost for certain: count; mention the dates; times; what she was wearing; the weather; etc concerning the times we actually had sex.
They were that few and far apart yes!!!
Now when I try speaking to her about this she always has a comeback. 1st it was that she didn’t feel sexy enough after the birth. She quickly got her body back but then it was that I don’t communicate with her; then it was because I smelt of cigarette smoke; then I would smell of alcohol; then I didn’t treat her well; then that was all I ever spoke about; then it was if sex was the only thing I saw when I looked at her; etc; etc. The list really does go on and on. She went as far as to say that sex doesn’t interest her anymore and that she thinks that I should rather find someone outside of the marriage who can fulfill my sexual needs. This was out of the question for me.
Well, this goes on for 3 years while we are raising our daughter. It’s gotten to the point whereby the baby sleeps in the middle of the two of us. And when the baby is away with my parents then we sleep back to back... on her request.
She is always in bed before me, this way making sure that by the time I get to bed she is already sleeping and I won’t bother her for sex. Or if I am in bed before her then she stays in the lounge long enough for me to fall asleep. I work 24hr shifts so we already don’t have that much time together for sex as it is coz of the hours I work. So when I get home from work at 9 in the morning she makes sure that she is up and about before I get into bed that way I can’t bother her for sex in the mornings either. I once asked her to come lay by me one morning after work, thinking that I’m going to try and get some now and her reply shocked me so much that I just turned and cried myself to sleep. Her reply was that she was scared to come to bed coz I’m gna try to have sex with her!!!
So its June month now and we only had sex once this year and the times before that was about 4 months of no sex and the time before that another 8 months. So I can honestly say that I am in a sexless marriage which is also starved from any form of intimacy. So far I have only been remaining in this marriage for the sake of my daughter who I love dearly!!!
It seems like the only reason she stays married to me is coz of the financial security that I provide and for being a glorified errand boy.
I am at the end of my tether. I don’t want to cheat on my wife and daughter. I don’t want to divorce either coz of the lack of sex and intimacy but really don’t see any other option. She refuses to go for therapy coz according to her, she is not at fault. It is all me!!!
Will update my thread as you guys comment. thanx