Another Day, Another Pastry

I've been eating a lot lately. I think it's cause I feel so deflated and I'm trying desperately to fill up. What I'm really lacking is love, affection, and intimacy, not food. Though it briefly feels good while I'm stuffing my face, after the food settles, I'm left feeling empty again; and worse, guilty for pigging out when I obviously cannot afford to do so. I feel even worse for feeling lonely because I'm not, I have my son. But I guess since he can't really talk yet I'll let myself feel this way "guilt-free". Btw I haven't had sex in over 2 years. Oh god help me. 
Jessyrox33 Jessyrox33
26-30, F
7 Responses Aug 9, 2012

I do the same thing. But my new vibrator really takes the edge off - that combined with exercising most days keeps me away from the food, which, once you get over the great "taste" in your mouth and the full feeling, really makes me feel quite sick.<br />
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Realize these binges are really you telling yourself you need to take care of YOU. Try being gentle to yourself, take a hot bath, go to lunch with a friend, etc.

Try not to use food as comfort. Unfortunately, I did the same thing. I still think in terms of he didn't want me when I was thin, he doesn't want me now with the excess weight, so why should he want me after I am thin again. Food has been my comfort, my entertainment, and my friend for all of these years. I haven't hurt anyone but myself. I am trying to do like JustPeaches said. Find something that makes me feel good (exercise, etc - not an affair -would get too emotional lol) . Be good to you and take the journey to finding yourself again:)

Gosh, kinder to yourself. You're surrounding yourself with negative energy. You need to break out of that cycle. Find something that makes you feel good, or fulfilled, or at the very least NOT bad. Take that thing and run with it...

I finally realized that was what I was doing. I would do so well on a diet and then boom. I finally realized that for me it was a self preservation thing. If I got skinny again and he refused then I would know he didn't love me. If I was fat, well it hurt but I could understand his repulsion. I decided that first I need to get healthy for me. (I had surgery last month. It was supposed to be a day surgery. I ended up in ICU for 2 days and stopped breathing every time they turned off the ventilator. Mostly because of weight issues.) I also want to feel attractive again, and as I told my husband tonight that can be for him or someone else, but I wasn't going to keep living in this. I have an exit plan in place and I am working on it. If by some miracle things change between us then that is great and these are things I needed to do for me and if they don't then I can move on and IF I meet someone else I can feel attractive for them. I know it will be hard but I am hoping that recognizing that I am eating because of how ugly he makes me feel only makes me uglier. I need to use that for my stubborn fuel.

I haven't had sex in, I don't even remember the last time but I know it was when we were first married and we are married 13 years now. I would have to say in 12 years, how sad is that? :-(

Comfort eating, substitution. A way of life for me, unfortunately.<br />
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Why is it that sex, notwithstanding the relative risks of sexually transmitted infections, is the one form of physical and psychological gratification that is NOT bad for you? Yet it so difficult to come by, for all sorts of reasons; other people's behaviour, societal norms and so on. Everything else, junk food, alcohol, smoking, drugs are kind of incompatible with the human body. Maybe it is because they are that harmful for us.

Well, you know the old saying that God helps those who helps themselves.<br />
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Your "Btw, I haven't had sex in over 2 years" - is a huge Btw! Be kind to yourself, this is a harmful place to be for yourself, and your son.<br />
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Personally, I wouldn't focus on the food and the guilt, I'd be making sure I got out of the house, got some exercise, however that's done. And see if you can get some support. And from that energy, start to take action to change the situation you're in.

A higher quality of life awaits you.<br />
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If you are prepared to make some challenging choices.<br />
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Tread your own path.