Breaking Up With LoveWe are breaking our SM. Both together. We have tried as hard as we can, but there is no way. I will move to an apartment on September, or a bit later, but soon. After 18 years together, and we are both 36, we have chosen to follow different paths. With so much respect, with so much love. I actually wish the best for her, as she does for me. It is painful to the bones.
Now, in the middle of all this, I wonder if sexless or loveless became first, but something is clear: we miss both.
We will spend holidays separated with our two lovely kids. They are 5 and 7, so weak, so young. I am shattering their small world. We do love them. She does not realize what is happening, he is getting angry with me. This morning, as they are having this week with my parents, he told me by phone: “I love mum, but don’t love you”. Me: “My dear, I cannot love you more than I do, and I do know you feel the same. I am sorry, but you will see everything will be fine”. WTF: I just hanged up and felt the most miserable man in this world. I cried, that is ok, but who cares if I cry? I am 36, adult, but their small world will be shaken by the only figure who was there to protect them. My two little guys, will your mum and me do so well that you forgive us someday?
Guilty. Responsible. Sad. Wrong. Pain. > that is in the wrong side. Hope, relief > that is in the good one.
And she, always she, is helping me with this. She gave me many things, me too, the best and the worst. I have hurt her, she’s done to me. But now, both are giving us the hope of a new future. If that is not truly love, what is?
Breaking up with love, not only for them, but for our two lovely kids.
In the other side, in my dark side, hidden for so long: a predator claims to release. There will be not woman I can try that I will not, not a time for sex that I leave go. Every women wants to have me and like me: they will have me. We are not angels, not so virtuous, just men. Plain, simple, stupid, men. I don’t know if I will see myself in the same way, but hope in the meanwhile, that gets me fu-c-k-i-n-g like a dog.
I’ll keep you updated .
MadridBlues 36-40, M 1 Response 1 Aug 9, 2012