I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Just like most people in this group, I live in a sexless marriage. I have been with my husband 6 years and married for 3. We have had no sexual contact whatsoever (not even a kiss on the cheek) for over 2.5 years, we are in our 30s, super outdoorsy people with no financial pressures (apart from the norm) or kids from previous realtionships.
At the beginning it wasn't all flowers and roses, weekends spent in bed etc. Sex was very much an issue for my other half. He'd had problems with his penis and had an operation at 21 to fix a medical condition for it. The only bit of information he's ever said about it was before me he'd never had an ****** with a women. He refused to talk about his past, sexual partners, experiences, he had low self esteem for some reason. Whenever the conversation come up, he'd shut down. I've always had a high sex drive so when we met, I thought I could help him. Given that sex was never an issue before and all my relationships had failed, I thought that perhaps this was different, that its my learning curve that it isn't everything in a relationship and stuck with it. In the first 6 months, we'd had sex only a few times.
My husband is a fantastic man. Everyone who meets him, loves him and he adores me. He's gorgeous and a real adrelin junkie. People would be suprised about our situation.
As our relationship got serious, we started talking marriage and babies and we agreed we'd do the later only after marriage. We're not religious in any way shape or form, it was just our preference. We got married, consummated it then on our honeymoon agreed to try and get pregnant. He was more keen on babies than me but I was still up for it. That was the last time we had full sex.
Once every six months or so, I would broach the subject with him. Given he was/is prone to self confidence issues, I never wanted to push the matter to much. We'd talk usually whilst out on a walk, he'd promise to get help, I'd offer to do anything I could to help and then I'd leave it with him. Given its such a sensitive issue, I didn't want to be a nagging wife and wanted to give him space and respect to do so. Another 6 months would go by, by 1.5 years I was starting to feel affected. I told him on our chat that my confidence was starting to dip and could he please go see a dr/cllr or whoever he chose to go to. I said that I was at the point I was worried I'd cheat because the first bit of male attention I'd probably fall for since it had been so long. He said he'd understand if I cheated. THat broke my heart. I started researching, I thought he may be gay, assexual, abused. Nothing, he denied them all. He'd just lived his life like this with his head in the sand. Chance after chance I've given him to show me that he wants to fix this problem. Each time he promises, begs me, cries and I cry to and try to help. In January I told him if he didn't attempt to get help this year, I would leave - I moved into the spare room. I couldn't take it anymore. We went to the drs, he got a referral. He went twice then abandoned it - I only found out by finding a piece of paper noting he'd failed to attend appointments. In May, I had a mini breakdown as was taking the whole thing too personally. I begged him to get help for himself and for us and told him it was really hurting me now. We're now in August and still nothing. My wedding ring is off (his is still on), we've started telling people we're seperated and I'm making plans to move back to the otherside of the world early next year. I do not have any family alive anymore.
I am so heartbroken. Last week I was on the verge of killing myself. I am utterly convinced this must be my fault. I am fat, ugly, horrible, pig and he must hate me. No one would treat anyone this badly if they loved them right? When we met, I was the super confident one. I have a cleft lip and have always been a bit self conscious about my looks but never had any trouble attracting men. Nowadays, I don't leave the house unless I have to. I get panic attacks in crowds and am convinced no one will ever come near me again as I am a freak. I only feel comfortable going to places I know: work, supermarket etc. I feel so ugly inside and out. I can't understand why this has happened. Is it payback for me being highly sexed in my past? IS there more to life/relationships than sex? I can't even look people in the eye these days and am constantly crying. I feel so lonely. I look in the mirror and just see pain and hurt and bitterness. My husband is a fantastic man who loves me to bits, he's kind and considerate but I can't take this. I just feel like my life is over and I will never experience love or have the chance at a family etc again as no one wants a washed up 37 year old.
At the beginning it wasn't all flowers and roses, weekends spent in bed etc. Sex was very much an issue for my other half. He'd had problems with his penis and had an operation at 21 to fix a medical condition for it. The only bit of information he's ever said about it was before me he'd never had an ****** with a women. He refused to talk about his past, sexual partners, experiences, he had low self esteem for some reason. Whenever the conversation come up, he'd shut down. I've always had a high sex drive so when we met, I thought I could help him. Given that sex was never an issue before and all my relationships had failed, I thought that perhaps this was different, that its my learning curve that it isn't everything in a relationship and stuck with it. In the first 6 months, we'd had sex only a few times.
My husband is a fantastic man. Everyone who meets him, loves him and he adores me. He's gorgeous and a real adrelin junkie. People would be suprised about our situation.
As our relationship got serious, we started talking marriage and babies and we agreed we'd do the later only after marriage. We're not religious in any way shape or form, it was just our preference. We got married, consummated it then on our honeymoon agreed to try and get pregnant. He was more keen on babies than me but I was still up for it. That was the last time we had full sex.
Once every six months or so, I would broach the subject with him. Given he was/is prone to self confidence issues, I never wanted to push the matter to much. We'd talk usually whilst out on a walk, he'd promise to get help, I'd offer to do anything I could to help and then I'd leave it with him. Given its such a sensitive issue, I didn't want to be a nagging wife and wanted to give him space and respect to do so. Another 6 months would go by, by 1.5 years I was starting to feel affected. I told him on our chat that my confidence was starting to dip and could he please go see a dr/cllr or whoever he chose to go to. I said that I was at the point I was worried I'd cheat because the first bit of male attention I'd probably fall for since it had been so long. He said he'd understand if I cheated. THat broke my heart. I started researching, I thought he may be gay, assexual, abused. Nothing, he denied them all. He'd just lived his life like this with his head in the sand. Chance after chance I've given him to show me that he wants to fix this problem. Each time he promises, begs me, cries and I cry to and try to help. In January I told him if he didn't attempt to get help this year, I would leave - I moved into the spare room. I couldn't take it anymore. We went to the drs, he got a referral. He went twice then abandoned it - I only found out by finding a piece of paper noting he'd failed to attend appointments. In May, I had a mini breakdown as was taking the whole thing too personally. I begged him to get help for himself and for us and told him it was really hurting me now. We're now in August and still nothing. My wedding ring is off (his is still on), we've started telling people we're seperated and I'm making plans to move back to the otherside of the world early next year. I do not have any family alive anymore.
I am so heartbroken. Last week I was on the verge of killing myself. I am utterly convinced this must be my fault. I am fat, ugly, horrible, pig and he must hate me. No one would treat anyone this badly if they loved them right? When we met, I was the super confident one. I have a cleft lip and have always been a bit self conscious about my looks but never had any trouble attracting men. Nowadays, I don't leave the house unless I have to. I get panic attacks in crowds and am convinced no one will ever come near me again as I am a freak. I only feel comfortable going to places I know: work, supermarket etc. I feel so ugly inside and out. I can't understand why this has happened. Is it payback for me being highly sexed in my past? IS there more to life/relationships than sex? I can't even look people in the eye these days and am constantly crying. I feel so lonely. I look in the mirror and just see pain and hurt and bitterness. My husband is a fantastic man who loves me to bits, he's kind and considerate but I can't take this. I just feel like my life is over and I will never experience love or have the chance at a family etc again as no one wants a washed up 37 year old.
By:
missblissbomb
Age:
36-40
,
Female
