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Emotional Maturity

Looking back I know I missed a lot of signs, one of the main ones being an overall lack of emotional maturity. Not convinced I really know any better now, I searched the net and found various thoughts on the subject. Any other glaring things I'm missing as I strike out into the world in the hopes of not landing another one?

1. Ability to see other viewpoints and a larger view than one's own concerns.

Mature people consider life's bigger picture, they know that everyone is not the same and that the world does not revolve around them. They listen 'authentically' with a goal to learning about the views and thoughts of others, as a result they deepen their understanding, compassion and empathy. An immature person does not take the time to do this, as a result, they cannot deepen their emotional awareness. Mature people care about what other people think and believe in, if you respect their view on things they will also respect yours.


2. Ability to control impulsiveness when required.

An emotionally mature person takes an inner look, reflects, considers the best outcome desired and decides what action will most likely bring that about. Emotionally immature people react impatiently, they are quick to anger or blow a fuse, throw a tantrum, swear, act out or get belligerent when things don't go the way they want or expect. They do not mange frustration with the realities of life well, nor manage easily unexpected transitions in processes or routines. Rather than draw on inner tolerance or belief in oneself to manage change, the emotionally immature have a meltdown.


3. Accepting of blame and admitting wrong without being coerced to do so.

Mature people take responsibility for what happens and their related actions and genuinely consider what they did, and might have otherwise done, for the result at hand. An immature person consistently plays "victim" about events, complains, whines, blames others and is unable to reflect on what he or she did to contribute to the result. Mature people will take criticism positively if given in a positive manner. Politely point out areas that need changing and improving in the relationship to an immature person and they will take it as a personal attack.


4. A sense of responsibility

Mature people know how to deal with situations, including ones they have caused. They are the kind of people who find solutions to problems instead of complaining and doing nothing. Mature people have often experienced difficult circumstances before and found the right answers without stepping beyond the boundaries. Immature people have problems making decisions about life, relationships and commitments without wavering or stressing out. They make snap decisions and/or go “hot and cold”.


5. Belief that not everything has to be under their control at all times.

Mature people respect boundaries and are open to learning from others. They understand the world doesn't necessarily work as they wish and deal with that knowledge in a calm manner. Immature people hold grudges against those who refuse to be controlled, they often dislike people close to them having healthy relationships with others that detract from the attention they feel they deserve.


6. Ability to maintain relationships.

Mature people develop and foster relationships with others, they are the kind of people who value people who mean something to them and therefore know how to cultivate and make those relationships grow. Immature people have difficulty communicating and nurturing relationships with family, friends and colleagues.


7. Ability to openly express themselves.

Mature people don't just stuff their feelings down inside. They don't always come right out and say it, but they can explain their feelings, choices and likes and dislikes. A mature person can share when they are hurt or upset, without attacking. An emotionally immature person can’t express what they are thinking, or gets frustrated, irritated, or angry at you for wanting to communicate and share feelings. A mature person can express what’s going on in their heart and mind without outbursts or withdrawal.


8. Goals and drive

Mature people have one or more goals in life, they make plans and actively take steps to achieve them. They may not be along the lines of world peace, but they are made with the knowledge that there are bigger
things in the world than their own ego. Immature people tend to have goals that revolve around money and possessions, they haven't mapped out how to achieve those things or made any real headway as they lack the drive to do so and are just hoping it will fall into their lap without expending any real effort.


9. Last but definitely not least

Emotionally mature people are not intimacy averse and want to have awesome toe-curling sex with you on an regular basis!

:)
Rallacious Rallacious 36-40, F 10 Responses Aug 9, 2012

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Great summary! I would suggest adding "able to view alternate ideas, opinions and beliefs without judging these or finding them offensive". I think this is actually part of your no.1 and of some of your other points too, so maybe it doesn't need a category of its own.<br />
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Those people who respond with negativity, judgement, criticism and / or anger to anything that varies from their OWN opinion are a "red flag" IMO. Those who can listen and really "hear" another person's opinions (ideas, beliefs, etc.) and say something like "I respect your opinion but it is not one I can agree with personally" (or something similar) are those who demonstrate a maturity of outlook on life and who have the emotional intelligence to accept that others are different and that this does not necessarily make them "wrong" (or "right").

What an amazingly insightful post!

This needs a sticky onto the front page of ILIASM - must read!

I think part of the problem in my marriage is that while he wasn't emotionally mature when I met and married him - I didn't really expect that (and didn't think about it consciously). He was really young. He wasn't far off other guys his age. But he hasn't grown in emotional maturity.

I didn't think about emotional maturity consciously either, I was in my mid 20s and just assumed I suppose that someone would be mature in all ways at 40.... ha!

A dysfunctional marriage provides the building blocks for when you ditch the dud spouse. It gives you a very very clear idea of "what you DON'T want" in future.<br />
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Then it gets harder, as you try and establish "what you DO want", and to develop the mental toughness needed to stay out of the game until and if an apparently suitable candidate appears.<br />
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This is a personal opinion - but I think you are best to act as the authentic you, and see what that attracts into your orbit, rather than a hopeful full pursuit of 'someone'.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Ever wise Baz, almost a year out and I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what is 'healthy' - building up that mental toughness!

Great stuff! I can't believe I didn't see the red flags either. <br />
All she cared about was money and what other people thought of her!<br />
How could I have fell into that trap?! I know my whole family was the same way growing up.

Outside of #8, all describe him, and not the positive statements! He is very emotionally immature and most definitely a control freak. <br />
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Thanks for this, excellent! =)

Wow...6 and 7 are right on target!

I absolutely love and adore this, especially the last part lol

Emotionally mature people do their best to respond positively rather than negatively.<br />
Emotionally mature people know they can't always be right.<br />
Emotionally mature people accept that there is always something more to learn about themselves.<br />
Emotionally mature people realise that becoming a fully-rounded person is a never-ending quest.