Throwing Myself At A WallI have been trying to gain enough courage to talk to my husband about our lack of intimacy issues. I don't know why but I just don't want to hurt his feelings. I would rather stand by in silence than hurt his feelings. I don't know why, I guess I am just a people pleaser.
Tonight we went to see a movie and when we got home I almost instantly got undressed down to practically nothing in front of my husband. He played along for a second but then got up. I coaxed him back toward me by asking for a back rub then after turned around and tried to take his pants off to get things going. He couldn't pull them back up fast enough. I threw myself at him and his excuse was that it was too hot to have sex.
When I told him it was an excuse, that he could bring the fan in, he said it would still be to hot. He came toward me and tried to kiss me. I turned my head away and said it was too hot Then I became honest and said I would be crying myself to sleep tonight. Which I have been the last few days he has rejected me in some way or another. He took it as a joke and laughed as he was walking away.
I have looked into marriage counseling and want to do it. but before I can do that I need to somehow grow the balls to talk to him. I think part of the reason is that I wan to be prepared with what I am wanting to say. I don't want to go into a huge conversation and not be prepared.
I think what I am afraid of most is what would happen if our marriage broke and we went our separate ways. I have a house and I can't afford the upkeep without his help, but he has a car and I don't and it's the only way I get to work. I hate that my mind works the way that it does. Going through every scenario possible to try and figure out what the outcome would be. Even though the outcome wouldn't be anything like it.
Any advise or support would be greatly appreciated.