Just Going Through The MotionsAll,
I am sure that many in this group will relate and this is part 1 of a 2 part issue. I will post the 2nd part later.
I am 48 and my wife is 52. We've been married for going on 21 years now and have 2 boys in their late teens.
We met at work, dated for about 2 years and then got married. Our company was laying people off (outsourcing). I was lucky enough to get a job before being laid off, but not so for my wife. It was the height of the recession of the 90's and her field was hit the hardest so she was not able to find a job. I could see all the rejection was weighing on her so I made the decision that we would be able to make it on just my salary, so she really did not work outside the house. I should say that she originally lived in NY and I in NJ, but we had decided that who ever had the job, is where we would live.
I really think my wife resented that move as she constantly talks about moving back to NY. Additionally, all through our marriage, she was not very supportive in the things I did. For example, when I would contemplating changing jobs for something that I believed was better, she very rarely was positive about it (so far I have done very well in my career, btw). Yet I had always tried to be supportive for her, especially during her time looking for work and in anything she wanted to do.
Sex in the beginning was fine. At least once a week if not more. We had our first child 3 years into our marriage. Of course the sex tapered off some. Once the 2nd child came then sex really took a back seat. I completely understand. Being a stay at home mom is not an easy job. it truly is a 7x24 job and after a long day, the wife is tired. I get it.
However, we haven't had sex for the past 8 years. Before that, I would have to ask and almost beg to have sex. After a time I just got tired of asking and many times being turned down, so it just stopped.
I have talked to my wife about this and she just would say that she is not interested in it any more.
Some will say that this may be a sign that we should get divorced, but I really don't see that as a possibility. For one, I don't want to have that happen to my sons. Secondly, because she has not worked in many years, it would be financially devastating to me. Between the child support, alimony, losing the house, I would basically be living on the street and that is not good.
Along with the sex, so has gone the attention. I take just as much blame for this as my wife. We use to hug and kiss quite a bit and pay each other compliments, but that has all pretty much stopped.
So I just stay in my marriage going through the motions. We sleep in the same bed and have a generally good relationship in that we rarely argue (any more), but I am really missing the attention. Not only receiving it, but giving it.
So what to do?