I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Today I Am Happy

By: iwantmore2

Written on August 10th, 2012

Today has been an awesome day. My husband told me I needed to get some shoes to show off my pedicure so I did. I went to an outdoor mall today and did that and then had a light lunch by myself again. (I am getting good at this by myself stuff. :D) After lunch I went to this place that brings in shelter dogs to sell instead of puppy mill dogs. I used to volunteer at the animal shelter, but after my daughter's death I took a leave. I didn't want to live much less do anything else. I emailed to reinstate a few months ago and after talking to a friend who is there found out that they are retraining everyone and right now they are still on the current active people. Anyway, I went in this store and signed up to volunteer. I have orientation sometime next week, and I am excited. I love my animals and they are spoiled, but my passion is rescue so I am getting my foot back in there. This is a passion for me, and I AM DOING IT. I used to be a person who smiled all the time. To the point people would ask what I was up to. Today I felt so good about myself and my decisions that I was smiling all over the place. Heck, I am smiling writing this. :-D (<--See?)
My husband asked me to the movies tonight and last night he told me the times for the museums and told me which ones he though we should do which days, so he looked. Let's see if he keeps it up. (I do realize this may be temporary so I am not falling all over him with gratitude. I am treating it as a friend being nice to another friend for being courteous and nice.) I noticed there hasn't been any "I love you's" said in the last week. I always said it and then he would, but I have determined that I am not going to keep saying it to someone who only says it as obligation, and while I may like him I am not so sure I do love him anymore. There is still no touching, and I have stopped reaching for his hand or touching his arm or chest or face. Why touch someone who is repulsed by it? I guess the main point is that while I am not getting the love you or touching, I am working on myself and feeling confident again. I know it will be up and down, but this is the first time in a long time that I just did what I wanted to do because I wanted to do it. It is nice he is making an effort, and who knows, maybe he will fall in love with me again. Ok that was a joke, but at least it is a start. It may work and it may make it easier to go. Oh yeah, and since I have been making myself get out there, I am not eating so much and using food to cover my hurt. Well, that or it is so hot who feels like eating? :-)

By: iwantmore2

Age: 41-45 , Female

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14 responses

ignoredwife

Good for you! I know what you mean about not wanting to beleive in the "too good to be true" niceness from Hubby. Fingers crossed that your Hubby continues to treat you this way :)

Aug 11, 2012
1 like
paxetlux

It may work or it may not work. Who knows? However, if you are going to start, you have to start somewhere and if you are at the bottom that seems a fairly rational place to start. No point in jumping in the deep end if you have no idea whether you are going to sink or swim.

Tag along and see how it goes? Take a chance on playing a positive part? It's a risky business.

Maybe he is just proceeding with caution as you are. Saying "I love you" when you are so far apart might seem somewhat incongruous and false at present. Think of it like courting all over again except you both have all sorts of baggage to slow you down.

Aug 11, 2012
1 like
stay2gether

i like your story.it is beutifull

Aug 11, 2012
1 like
iwantmore2

Tonight I almost lost the confidence I have been regaining. We went to the movies tonight and when we got to the box office they said there were a lot of tickets sold for the movie so seating could be scattered. I asked my husband if he would like to just wait for the next show. He said that he didn't know. I said "we can go to this one but we might not be able to sit together." He said, "That's ok." I about drop kicked him, and I told myself to not show it bothered me because after all wasn't I used to it by now? So I went in got in line for my drink and small popcorn (I wasn't going to share with him since we might not even be sitting together anyway.) He got his own stuff. I had already gone into the movie and actually hoped I wouldn't have to sit with him after that. He came in and I saw him but looked the other way. He found me and sit next to me (lucky me.) After that we ran into some friends who were waiting to see Hope Springs. I told them I had seen it. So I told my hub that I wanted HIM to see it. He said, "I was going to see if you wanted to catch a late dinner." I said, "No, I would rather you see this movie." Before it started I told him to pay attention to the Meryl Streep character because that was EXACTLY how I was feeling. Afterwards I asked him if he liked it and he said that he liked it better than the first one we saw. Nothing about the content. So, I told him point blank, that in 2 years, if nothing changed I would be leaving when our son did, and that it would be too late at that point to fix it, and that it was almost too late now. I told him that it was up to him if we got the hollywood ending or just the end because I could not live the rest of my life without a genuine I love you or a genuine touch. So tonight I had to mentally remind myself (especially when he did that at the first movie) that I am moving in a forward direction and I cannot look backwards any more. When I started to get hurt, I had to remind myself that this was just another reminder of why I needed to keep moving towards my plan and that he has been told so when it happens he can not say it was a surprise to him. I am not going to lose my happiness from the day over him.

Aug 11, 2012
1 like
- bazzar
  Might I suggest that you cease and desist from steering him to movies with a "message" or any other contrived circumstances involving "us" as an entity. There is no "us". There is you, and there is him. And that's it.
  
  Aug 11, 2012
  1 like
- paxetlux
  Being a real softie at heart I have to say "Aw, I feel for you". He seems soo clueless. Do you think it is that? I can't remember from your previous posts what your history is but has he always been like that? Poor at communicating ie talking about emotions, feelings? Poor at listening to people talking about emotions, feelings? Poor at reading body language, intonation of voice, etc? I would love it that things could improve for you but maybe it just isn't going to be?
  
  Aug 11, 2012
  1 like
- iwantmore2
  I did not "steer" him any where. HE asked me to a movie and when that movie was over an opportunity arose and I. took it hoping he would get it and fully knowing. he most likely wouldn't. I have not contrived any "us" situations. HE has asked me places and if. they interest me I go knowing I will still be alone with him. I have a teeny tiny amount of hope but it is fading. If my post bother you, you are welcome to not read themselves
  
  Aug 11, 2012
  1 like
- iwantmore2
  And if The Campania had a "message" I must have missed kg
  
  Aug 11, 2012
  1 like
- iwantmore2
  New keypad. kg was it
  
  Aug 11, 2012
  1 like
- iwantmore2
  These were supposed to be replies to bazar
  
  Aug 11, 2012
  1 like
3 More Replies
pickle3d

Good for you! I am doing the same. I have joined a great gym and plan to join a volunteer organization as well. I am just starting to do things that I've always wanted to do.

Aug 11, 2012
2 likes
iwantmore2

He just came in and asked, "Did you still want to go to the movies tonight?" (he asked me to go last night) and I said, "I AM going to the movies tonight." He laughed and said, "OK, I am too so let's sit together." Usually I would ask if he still wanted to go and let him decide for both of us. I won't do that any more. I did color my hair today (gotta cover the white LOL) and so far he hasn't noticed. I was always strawberry blonde growing up with two white haired blonde sisters. Getting older and needing to cover I would ask him what color he liked best (trying to make sure I looked nice for him.) He never cared so I decided to go back to what I grew up with. My hair always has red in it no matter what I do anyway so this is just easier. I am not asking him any more if he has a preference. My hair, my choice. LOL

Aug 10, 2012
1 like
aw197102

you are right you need to do things that make you happy then everything will fall into place. I am the same as you and going thoue sort of the same and I love animals to I have a belginshepard he was a rescue animale and I love him and I know he loves me he is very exited when I get home. I dont know if things willcget fixed with me and my wife.but I hope I will not lose my dog.if we split I will have to find a place to live so I can have him things between you and your husband may not get fixed but you still have the love of your pet and you will never lose that

Aug 10, 2012
1 like
bazzar

More choices based on your best interests.

Sometimes such choices will co-incide with his choices. Sometimes they won't.

Keep making YOUR choices.

Tread your own path.

Aug 10, 2012
3 likes

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