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What's Wrong With Me?

Ugh ... what is wrong with me? I feel like what is happening must be me.  My husband and I have been doing a lot better but I can't shake the feeling that I am not where I belong.  We had a really great sex life for about a month but then my daughter went on vacation and the boys went on a separate vacation.  My son seems to respect me more and my husband is more engaged in the family, but we haven't been intimate since then.  I feel like I should be on the calendar counting how long it has been.  There is always something stopping us from sharing ourselves with each other physically.  I don't get it.

When we were at camp, he supported me and at home since we have been back, he has stood up for me with all of the chaos that has happened.  But still, no sex.  I am starting to feel like it was just a ploy to get me to stop thinking about leaving.  I just want to scream!!  What is wrong with me?
greenpfenig greenpfenig 46-50, F 5 Responses Aug 10, 2012

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" I am starting to feel like it was just a ploy to get me to stop thinking about leaving."



Bingo!

Same as me..almost feel like a room mate..like you still love them but it changed..you want them to be comfortable..in my case my wife became a sibling(like a sister).it sux.you don't know how you got that way..you just do

So you had a talk and gave ultimatums and things got better for a while. So you back off a little and then things slowly return back to normal. Which means less intimacy for you.



So what is really stopping you from making good on your ultimatum? Do you have the same fears that I do about pulling the plug?



Leaving could open up new possibilities, and just as easily, your life could unwind. I've seem good people looking for a greener pasture end up in the fire instead. Have you been able to do anything good on a daily basis, or have you given up on your H as well?

Back on May 1st, you gave him "6 weeks" to lift his game to a satisfactory level.



That would be about 13 weeks ago by my rough calculations.



So he has either lifted his game to the requisite standard, and that's why you are still there - or - you didn't mean what you said when you gave him the 6 weeks.



If it's the latter scenario, all you have achieved is to educate him that your boundaries may be ignored at will. That is going to make things tougher. It has actually put you backwards by effectively trashing your credibility in any negotiating sense. You can hardly issue 'another' ultimatum based on what the consequences will be if he fails to deliver - he already knows that there will be no such consequence.



He has called your bluff in simple terms.



That action now puts the ball of choice firmly back on you.



Tread your own path.

Oh, ouch. My own ultimatum comes due on December 18th and it is tough to be actually planning the exit. :-/

It is so hard because none of us want to leave. We just want an intimate connection with someone who won't reciprocate. Gah!

its just the inconsistencies of a marriage~ can it ever be perfect? I don think so...but should we ever stop trying for perfection? only the heart knows for each individual~