Its 2:45AM
Another sleepless night, I often wake up in in the middle of the night sexualy aroused and frustrated, once a month just isn't enough, Its funny but over the years I had always thought things would get better in time but after 32 years of marriage with a wife with a low libido
I realize I have just been chaseing a carrot tied to the end of a stick, nothing is going to change.
At 55 years of age I really feel cheated for what could had been, I may be wrong but I feel many people are not sexual because they just don't want to be sexual, and yes over the years I have tried everything . I am not that bad of a looking guy, I have even been hit on a few times over the years.
I love my wife I just wish she loved me enough, to love me.
Trebor52 Trebor52
51-55, M
7 Responses Aug 11, 2012

Considering your age group you probably have about 10 years of active life left and another decade or two of old age. Do you really want to spend them sexless???<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck

One word ( Viagra) though all the equipment is fully operational now, If age takes it toll on me? plan B goes in to effect,
I am thinking if I live long enough, if my wife lives long enough,maybe age 80 I will reevaluate my sitituation.
That would give me 25 years of healthy sex provideing I can ever reach that carrot on a stick I wrote about earlier.

Mate forget the carrot on a stick. My point was we only get one life. Do you really want to spend it chasing the carrot on the stick or do you actually want to eat the carrot.

There are other carrots out there you know. Some more eatable than the one you have or seem to be chasing

For better or for worse, untill death do us part. even if it kills me,
I will keep the vows I made to her 32 years ago.
Includeing loving her unconditionally.
Sex is important to me but so is she.

I completely relate to you Trebor52!! I am 33, my fiance is 34. He has almost no desire for sex at all. He would go weeks, maybe months if I didn't complain. Then when I do get sex, I feel like its just to shut me up. I feel concerned about how I will be able to marry him & go on like this for the rest of my life. We both are previously divorced & his ex wife cheated. I know that most women cheat because of a lack of something...which in her case was proabably sex. Although he is not very affectionate either. After going through a divorce, I said if I ever got married again...that was it I will never leave. I love my fiance to death. We have a beautiful 6 months old baby girl, but I think to myself what is it going to be a year from now, 6 years from now....and so on....Life is so damn short! <br />
We did discover that he has low testosterone, but I don't think this is going to be a miracle resolution. Any person I have ever been with would get arroused if the wind blew the right way. lol Its a lonely feeling to be rejected. And, I have to say...while I do have a 6-month old baby. I worked my *** off getting back into shape right away! Im no heffer. I was 164 when I delievered at 5"7, and withing 2 months I was right back down to my pre-pregnancy. I am currently 126lbs. My body isn't exactly the same obviously because it takes time, but still. SO at least he can't use that excuse. Im sorry I just had to jump in & let out my feelings. <br />
I do want to add one other drives me crazy when I hear talk shows, radio shows or friends tell me to "get a toy" or "take care of business yourself". While that takes care of the instant "horniness", it becomes completely removes the intamcy part, no skin to skin, no kissing, etc. Its so easy for people to comment but until they are actually in your shoes, they can't understand. I have no advice for you, other than consider having an open marriage. Life is too short. You are still young!!!! :(

Find someone else! There are millions of men suffering because of a woman's desire to enforce celibacy on him. You will help yourself, and another victim of this sadism at the same time. life is too short to waste on cruel people.

I feel your pain ... It so sad how some people can go through life oblivious to the incredibleness of sex

Sex /is/ incredible, never believe it!

The trouble is that sex is only incredible if you actually enjoy it and think that it is the most exciting , mind and body blowing experience that humans can ever experience. For me there is not anything in the whole world which is better or any where near as good as sex, but for my wife she would find a cup of tea more exciting. It is entirely subjective.

I agree

Regular sex has all sorts of benefits. You sleep better. You're happier. It seem like the whole world is a better place.<br />
<br />
At 55, you really need to think about how the rest of your life will play out. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to look at that way. Where else will you get the courage to do something different with your life?

Trebor,<br />
<br />
The only way I have been able to maintain my sanity (well I guess that's a pretty subjective appraisal) over the years is by taking care of my own sexual needs. Now that we have the Internet it has never been easier to access like minded people or images by which we can at least satiate our sexual desires albeit only in the physical sense. I totally refuse to allow my libido to be decimated (or even centimated!) just because my wife, through no fault of her own, is unable to keep up with my sexual and intimacy requirements. I believe that it would be as difficult and distasteful for her to engage in a daily sex routine as it would for me to engage in a gay relationship. To force either of these options onto anyone, I believe, would be cruel and life destroying.<br />
<br />
I have fully liberated and excused myself to feel no guilt or remorse in expanding my sexual desires to include any digitally available and liberated woman who wishes to avail herself to me and who can garner any sexual satisfaction from my eager and available body. Just as there is a multitude of sexually frustrated women on this forum the same can be said regarding the many adult sites at our disposal. Just as on ILIASM whose women have sexually unresponsive husbands the same can be said about the women and men on dozens of other sites.<br />
<br />
I believe that we owe it to ourselves not to be deprived of the most exciting bodily sensations available to mankind (and womankind) just because our partners do not appreciate and enjoy them to anywhere near the extent enjoyed by us.<br />
<br />
If we wait for and rely on our low libido partners to supply all our sexual needs we will be waiting for a lifetime and then it will never happen! OK I appreciate that cyber relationships are far from perfect and not quite the real deal but to my mind they are infinitely better than allowing ourselves to endure the soul destroying frustration of orgasmic deprivation. <br />
<br />

People don't choose how sexual they are any more than they choose their sexuality although I appreciate that there are still dinosaurs around who will themselves to actually believe it. You may have been deprived but it won't help to believe that you have been cheated. You do have choices, just not ones that have much appeal or will enthuse you.

Really? I can increase my libido, just by setting my mind to some sexual play, If I want my libido to sky rocket? all I need to do is read a little erotica, If I so chooses I could be sexual for days, its just I know there is more to life than sex and though I realize that, I also know sex is part of life that should not be belittled or neglected, I tire of excuses of those who want to blame every thing under the sun for there dead passions, In my comment I said my wife had low libido she still has some desire its just that she doesn't nurture it
as most, not all who lack passion.
Though I love my wife for better or for worse, I think it is wrong for any one who marries another to neglect intimacy with that one they married, That is why there are so many upset people here in this forum, most here feel cheated
and I would venture to say most are tired of excuses.

No, you aren't increasing your base libido but merely choosing to act on it. There is an important distinction. What you are 'accusing' your wife is of suppressing her libido in order to deny you, and that would, in a peculiar way of thinking, be tantamount to 'cheating'. Either she is choosing to deliberately deny you and as a consequence deny her herself, which is possible, or else she simply doesn't have it in her and possibly despite outward appearances, never did. You can choose to think in whatever way you prefer, it doesn't mean that you are right and it doesn't mean that it serves you well. Libido can and is affected by hormonal and psychological factors but those are not factors that one rationally 'chooses' in any normally accepted understanding of the term. Sure, you can be tired of REASONS, as opposed to EXCUSES, but as folks like Baz and others will implicitly or explicitly tell you the only thing you can do is to take your own destiny into your own hands, because no matter what you think, or how you think it, it is unlikely that things will otherwise change. I'm sorry if I have offended you but that is just the way I see it. You can't change the world but you can change yourself.

No, plain and simple an excuse not reason, similar to the dog ate my home work.
Most therapists believe that about half the time it is, in fact, the woman's choice, from reading that I have done I would also venture to say the same is true with men, and though there maybe some phyisical chemistry out of wack most men and women can be helped through different treatments that are available only in the most hypothetical sitituation and phyiscal disabilities can one not be help but by the vast majority there lack of passion or refusal to find help is choice, as for my wife I am certain it is choice, You see I sleep with her when one of her rare moments comes, she response very aggressively with multiply ******* I am certain she could go two or three times a week easily, the thing is she chooses not to, she suppresses her libido almost as well as I can increase mine.
I almost forgot you said I was acting upon my libido, again, not true, it is like a switch I can have no thoughts of sex, no feelings of sex, be bored and decide I want to feel sexual and turn on that switch as most can, I am not offended but I have done some research on the matter and I know what I am talking about.

I am betting that your "once a month" estimate is wildly out of whack with reality.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Well to be exact this has been a good year, we have had intercourse 7 times, 2011 was only 6 times, the year before was about 5 times, out of whack with reality? which way more or less? well any way those are the recent numbers, years past are about the same.

That would put you at "Sexual God" within the context of this group, a veritable rooting machine !!!!! But welcome to the board.

Well thank you
in some strange way that does make me feel better, I think?

I guess maybe I shouldn't be complaining then or have even joined in, lol Im about a twice/monther If I complain enough!

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