The Truth Can Be Frightening, But Empowering As Well.

I am glad I found this site. Over the past few days I have read so many stories and I now feel a bit “uplifted” to realize I am not alone – there are so many others like me who struggle in a sexless marriage devoid of intimacy. I guess misery does indeed love company. My story is long and I won’t bore you with the details. But I can say this…sex IS VERY IMPORTANT and part of a normal, healthy marriage relationship. I am not going to deny this truth to myself anymore! I am tired of the rejection. I am tired of reaching out. I am tired of a relationship without intimacy – a relationship without passion. I will not blame my wife entirely for this failed marriage, but I can say to you all with complete honesty that I have done what I can and I there is nothing left for me to do but to accept the truth. The truth is, she no longer loves me the way a wife should love her husband. She does not care about my feelings. And with acceptance of the truth, I am going to divorce her after 28 years of marriage. Stumbling onto this site has helped me come to this conclusion as I can see so many others out there just like me who are made to feel worthless by their partner’s constant rejection. I am a person of value. I am a person who wants to be deeply intimate with another soul. When I make myself vulnerable – she should cherish it and protect me. I am not perfect. I love my wife, but I’m letting go of her so I can survive and hopefully, someday, find a new relationship that is based on trust and respect and those things will lead to intimacy. I accept the truth and I feel better today for embracing it.

Thank you all for listening. I have been in counseling for 8 months and it’s been a tremendous help to me. I’ve also confided in my doctor and my pastor…..AND, I consulted with an attorney. I have read many books and have “grown” as a result of this ordeal. I appreciate sex on a level unimaginable to those who get it on a regular basis. I can’t wait to be with a woman again and feel her embrace and know that she loves being with me as much as I love being with her. I no longer will allow myself to feel guilty for taking care of my “needs” alone. One of the real eye-openers for me though was finding this site! I am glad to be able to connect with others now who understand exactly what I am going through. I think I am going to hang out here for awhile.

By-the-way, at one of my counseling sessions I mentioned to my therapist how much "I hate Viagra commercials", so that was the source of my first story posted here on EP. I’m going to read it to her in a couple of weeks and I know she will crack up.

Buroak Buroak
51-55, M
4 Responses Aug 15, 2012

I am glad for you! I have just begun my plan at getting some help. Starting with counseling, and then I will go from there!

Good luck....I'm sure you will find it very helpful, but don't give up after a couple sessions thinking that's all you need. Stick with it....what you are dealing with, a dysfunctional marriage, is extremely stressfull and confusing. You will need time to find solid ground from where you can move forward in a positive direction.

Amen and rated up.

Here's the enormous change already - you have been proactive in getting help & advice, and determining what you want, and claiming ownership of that desire. I know that helped me immensely with clarity and determination so that I would not be swept off course.<br />
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And with that ability to change, you've already sailed the boat, you can now execute to achieve what you want You've left the apparent safety of the port, and can now aim for a place where there is a loving embrace.

If you get an exit strategy together, you will have created a viable alternative to your present situation. You will have an "out" if you need it. That is an empowered position to have. It takes you from "victim" to "owner", and you will deal with the present situation way better, and way more ob<x>jectively. Simply because you know that you don't HAVE to cop this ****.<br />
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Will that mean you end up executing your exit strategy ?? Probably. That's a choice. Without a viable alternative position, you don't have a choice.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I am executing an exit strategy which is essentially a "to do" list with a time line. First order of business is financial. After that comes me filing and informing kids, family and back peddling. I want to get away from this abuse.

Yes, abuse, withholding abuse. So painful, so confusing, so so lonely, so draining. I am glad I decided to free myself from the misery of that marriage. I so relate to your posts and am grateful you didn't already delete your account so I could benefit from your story. I don't know if I would have had the determination to leave if it wasn't for reading all the sad stories on this site. I am still in the terrified of how the divorce will play out stage..scared of the unknown.