But I Refuse To Beg

Looking back through this thread, you seem to respond to the people who say that you should try to do this or that and pretty much ignore everyone else. People come here for different reasons, I understand that... but improve yourself further for yourself, not in a hope of achieving any intimacy goals with your girlfriend. The majority of us have been there and it doesn't work. Get better for you.. heal and move on, stop making excuses for her.

Have self-esteem, will go without. This case is closed. The dude is so nice it's unreal. Actually, I am not even sure he's that nice. Isn't it condescending to let the partner degenerate like this?

Is she depressed? Sleeping and TV all the time, no desire. That would be my guess. Maybe she needs some therapy? As you've grown up together, you've grown more into platonic friends than sexual partners. It happens. Now you just need to be the adults you've grown into and have a very candid uncomfortable conversation about this, and how your needs are not being met. You can't be subtle or soft. You just have to come right out and say it. Hope you two can work something out!

You are WAY too nice. Sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship, yet you somehow manage to make yourself believe you're a horrible person for expecting it from someone who claims to love you.



My gut feeling is her affairs have continued to this day, but the reasons don't really matter.



You have never even had sex with anyone else. There are women out there who LOVE sex and want it all the time. Your "pseudo-wife" is not one of them.



She is using you. You deserve better than being the doormat she wipes her feet on.

I was able to repair my marriage, so you can have a look at my stories to see what I have done. However, based on the information you have provided, I don't think she's The One. Never, ever, EVER again suppress your sexuality for her. That is seriously messed up. Be who you truly are, and if she can't love you the way you need (and deserve), then don't waste any more time on the relationship.

Well, not knowing anything from her side of the coin, I have to say that relationships do go through "dry" spells. I'm wondering if there is something you could do to entice he or seduce her. More than likely the approach is all wrong. If you just want sex, your are probably not going to get it. Seek out an emotional connection that you may have lost somewhere along the way. Spend time catering to her feelings and not the chores. If you love her, then it is totally worth it, and the rewards will come back to you ten-fold. Cheesy....yes! Hope it helps.

Sure your wife loves you. She's your friend. And she gets a good financial deal without the need for additional responsibilities.



In the end though, she's not "In Love" with you. You've probably been thinking that everything is great except for that sex thing. Well unless there's a medical problem, sex is the true barometer for how your spouse really feels about you.



You could get married, and have children, but the sex thing will only get worse. All of these other things in your life might distract you from the basic reality of your relationship. Then one day, the resentment will start to grow. There's not avoiding it. You want intimacy with your spouse and she isn't into you. Counseling might help, but in the end you'll come to the realization that life and sex should be better.



Your graduation surely isn't too far off. A new job and life will await you. Why not start a new relationship with someone who will enjoy intimacy with you? Take it from those of us with kids, living in a sexless marriage. You don't want to be in this group. You're getting lots of good advice. Listen to it.

It sounds like you are a good man, it sounds like you are doing everything in your power to make your girlfriend's life happy, healthy and stress-free. If you thought for a moment that your girlfriend felt sad, unsatisfied, unwanted and unattractive, you would try and fix it in a heartbeat wouldn't you? The question you need to be asking is why isn't she affording you the same courtesy? This woman is perhaps not as great a friend to you as she appears on the surface.



Oh and by the way, speaking as a woman... the amount of sex I want is absolutely nothing to do with the amount of housework a guy puts in... it's how much I want to jump his bones. Chores and sex should never even be mentioned in the same sentence!

You said "Believe me I have tried to just say it's a stupid little issue and I'm a pig for letting it even be a concern. But it is, and I cant stop it, nor do I really think I should have to."



Keep reading here - as many stories and comments as you can manage. It's NOT a "stupid little issue".



I agree with most of the posters here: It's over. In fact, it maybe never really was.

I know this may be very tough to accept ... but you need to do a reality check.

relationships to be successful is when both parties bringing to the table something of value and takes away from it as being valued. What is she doing for you?

I'm going to be quite crass, which is not usually my style.

Dude, you're getting played. She isn't too "busy" or "tired". She is enjoying the feast that her "good husband" brings to the table, whilst providing nothing in return for YOUR nutrition.

How can the relationship be gender-neutral if one person naps and watches TV for seven hours a day and the other does not? She is probably getting all her ******* during those hours so does not need any more in joint sessions!

Your young and in love and all you want is her. I get that, been there done that. You stay today hoping that tomorrow will be better, done that as well. What you haven't yet experienced is the I don't care anymore feelings. The love you once felt now expired, tired of loneliness, rejection and ready to move on. Now, you may not even be able to see this possibility but stay long enough and it will happen.



DO NOT MARRY with situation unresolved, meaning years and years of a happy, fulfilling, intimate life between you.



There is a story I just read about "the signs of an SM". You have flashing billboards in your relationship screaming at you "LEAVE NOW". I really recommend that you listen to them before you have to buy her a house and pay her alimony monthly to watch TV and nap for 7 hours day.



Good Luck !!!!!

Unmarried, no kids, affairs and no sex. Why are there even questions????

Leave!

When you finish your education, you can start a truly NEW life. New job and new partner.

Is it possible that your partner isn't having sex because she's unhappy? You said you didn't want to impose gender roles on her, and she stays at home watching TV and napping for 7 hours a day. You make the money and you help out around the house. Might that leave her with not much to do in terms of contributing to your life together? You said you don't want to dominate her, but based on this, it seems like you have. Maybe she doesn't like having not much to do, or feeling like you take care of most things. I don't know what kind of person she is, but a lot of people in that situation use sex to feel like they have at least some control over something. They decide whether it happens or not. I really don't know anything about sexless marriages (I came across this story by chance), but I think that sex reflects people's feelings in a relationship, and if she's refusing, she is probably not feeling too well about something. Maybe ask her if she's happy and just listen rather than talking about sex directly. I hope things get better for the both of you :)

You are not married, but already deeply unhappy... Wait till you get married! You are the main earner and doing the job around the house( If you don't mind me asking what exactly for? To give her time to watch tv,to do nothing and plan next affair?) and after that she is "tired to have sex"? Sorry to be blunt you don't want her, you want the person she never been,but you created in your phantasies... Wake up and run! Do you want 40 years of SM with your wife having sex behind your back(she will never find time for you,but will be happy to use your money and your labour)..... Please, start to love and respect yourself.... I am pretty sure if you don't love yourself, nobody will either!

Ah, the New Age Man, being comprehensively unfvcked over.



If you can stop being reasonable for a bit, ditch the forgiveness and start letting your emotions do the business for you. They're giving you some strong signals right now, and if you continue with absurd self-harming nonsense like throwing your sexualtiy away - they will give you some almighty kicks up the pants. Listen!

Indeed don't beg, because it won't get you anywhere anyway, and I expect you know that.



If she is prepared to have affairs with other people when supposedly, albeit tentatively, in a committed relationship and then is prepared to blow off someone else's valid concerns on an almost whimsical, casual basis it spells out in CAPITAL letters that she only cares about herself, that she thinks she has her future made, that she doesn't care to even think about a future as someone in a partnership. If you think that things will or might improve if you were to get married, and she may well play that stunt on you down track, you will be completely and utterly wrong. Your instinct tells you this is a poor situation to be in. Trust that instinct and let it be your rationale. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt you undeniably feel, don't betray it. Don't put yourself in a position where anyone can tell you, "I told you so." And don't believe that you can't do better. Even if it turns out you don't, it will still be better than making do, when it won't actually even muster that.

Adopting a position of counter refusal as you have done will kill the relationship stone dead, although in your case it has been dead for quite a while already.



Any ambitions you have of an even half decent intimate life are clearly not going to happen in your present relationship.



What do you need to do ?



Join the dots.



Tread your own path.

You've been together as long as my wife and I...After the Year Of No Sex, I told my partner that she either needed to boink me or I'd wind up cheating on her. Not in those words, and I felt really sh!tty about saying it. But it's true.

Since we're in couples' counseling, I have been thinking about what constitutes a marriage-buster for me. What I came up with is this:



I had an expectation that getting married would solve two issues: loneliness (on an emotional level) and horn!ness.

I find that I am very lonely and very h0rny more often than not, and it has been that way for a few years.

I can't be really happy when I am lonely and h0rny a majority of the time.

My happiness is no less important than my wife's happiness. Even though we'd both feel devastated after divorce, I can't be happy like this.

We're giving each other a year to try and fix "us".



Your happiness is no less important than your partner's. You're not happy.



Oh, BTW, you're a cutie. If entirely too young for my middle aged self.

You do the housework while she naps and watches TV, even while you make most of the money. She fvcked other people when she was only supposed to be fvcking you. You wait and wait for sex that never comes. I guess you don't want to lose all this dignity by begging.

Are you for real??? I'm starting to believe that one of brother Pep 74 stones hit you on the head as well.



Mulitiple infidelities, you obviously being a slave to her under the guise of an equal relationship napping all day and she is tired for sex.



You dont need this group you need a Divorce Lawyer advice and an exit strategy. I dare say she is probably still having an affair. 4 months of no sex at your age is just not normal.



Round up the bill for her actions and present her with the account owing. In other words man up and give her the ***.



Stay Strong & Good Luck

-----"How would you tackle the situation?"



In your relatively young age group I would break up with that person and find someone who wants to be with me in all ways.



You got with her as a teenager - might she simply be an old habit that you need to break to grow into adulthood? She seems to be impeding your growth and she sounds like a leftover teenage first love that you can't let go of even if it is NOT right for you.



It didn't work out. You are NOT married. Life is long - there is plenty of time to find a more suitable partner. STOP trying to engineer the sexuality out of the human - romantic relationships aren't supposed to work that way and you know it.



Be careful that you do not get her pregnant.

Kick her out before she kicks you out.



Grow a pair of balls!!! She does not love you and you are only a stepping stone in her life.



Is that what you want?!??



You say that you refuse to beg but you are begging. The only question is "For what are you begging?!" because it certainly is not the sex.



What keeps you stuck??

Think back at the beginning of ya relationship... Nice, huh? So much to talk about, exciting wasn't it. I know you put her on a pedestal from the get go. She fell off and you can't seem to put her back. It will take time to get things back like they were. That includes all of the compliments, small talk, treating her like the queen you saw her as. Y'all both have a lot of time invested in this relationship. To make it work, it's all about sacrifice and compromise. Not to judge, she sounds needy and self conscious. Either dedicate the rest of your life to do and say whatever it takes to make her happy, or cut your loss and move on. It really doesn't sound too bad to fix this. Her insecurities are bringing you down. I say hang in there and treat her like you used to and she will see the great guy she fell in love with.

Wishing the best for y'all

CC