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To Stay Or Not To Stay In This Marriage

Married 35 plus years, 60 plus years old, and sex is non existant. I've had to initiate sex 99% of the time. My wife is sexually inhibitted, and other than going down on her and the missionary position, there is nothing else involved. Any suggestions to change course is met with my being a pervert.

The only reason I stay is because she would be devastated without me as her crutch. What would she do? The guilt keeps on piling up and I did have an affair once but it faded away after we moved from that place. I'm not in love with her any more, and feel more sorry than anything else.

What would you do if you were in my place. Stay or leave??
overeasy12 overeasy12 61-65, M 5 Responses Aug 16, 2012

Your Response


If you think things cant get any worse, see if shes into some fantasy play,you might be surprised !

Truth be told, NONE of us are as important a factor in a relationship as we like to think we are.<br />
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I would bet that your missus would be just fine without you.<br />
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The real question is would you be fine without her ? Clearly, the answer over the past 35plus years, the answer thus far has been "no".<br />
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Tread your own path.

All marriages end in tears - either through death or divorce.<br />
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What do you think your wife would do if you died?<br />
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Do you honestly believe that your wife could not function without you? LITERALLY? This is absoutely amazing! How exactly would that work then? You breath for her and are her literal life support?<br />
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Look, you aren't in love with your wife anymore. That sucks big time - now, what are you going to do about it? Because guess what? You are burning her life away too in a loveless shell of a marriage.<br />
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Is your wife of 35 plus years year not worthy as a human being for you to recognize that SHE might need love too? <br />
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Is she not worthy of another a chance at love with someone else? Time is getting shorter by the day for HER too!<br />
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Perhaps it is time for you to step up to the plate and help BOTH of you get to a happier place in life.

If you want my personal opinion I would leave many-many ears ago...if the partner was healthy... if not I would stay and have secret affair... Nobody should sacrifice his/her own life and nobody should accept this sacrifice...

I feel that way with my wife and I have just learned that I am co dependent. That s why I do not want to leave my wife. I have to get my self right in order to get it straight in my head that leaving her devastated on her own would be the right thing for my spirit. I live without for that reason and she is happy!