Update On My SituationI posted a couple months ago about being the OW of a man in a sexless marriage. Thank you all for your advice and insight regarding the situation. It was quite helpful.
Since we started having sex, I've come to view his marriage from an entirely didn't point of view and realize there is more to his "sexless marriage story." With that, I thought I share:
- When we first met, the party line was: "Marriage is great. Just not getting sex at home." I then came to see the marriage wasn't great and, in fact, was riddled with LOTS of issues and the wife was perpetually pissed off and angry. Hmmm....why is that?
- Added to the point above, I realized that it really wasn't sex he wanted, but an emotionally connection and to feel "wanted" and "needed." So often he'd say, "I never felt so wanted and needed....." He adored my daughter and was really into my boring domestic life. (Note: This was his second marriage. They didn't have kids. I often felt like what he was really looking for was a friend.)
- Even though he was desperate to have sex, we waited many months to have sex. As many here pointed out that was a red sign.
- In the beginning, pre-sex, his party line was: "I am highly sexual and have a strong sex drive, etc...." Honestly, he's not that highly sexually driven in comparison to others I dated.
- Last 2 times we had sex, he made comments like, "Well....good to see all the plumbing is working." Indicting there were perhaps time in his marriage that he couldn't get it up.
- Finally, you'd think someone who was looking for sex, gets it and it's great, and claims he adores the woman, be over the move moon. Instead he freaks.
I've read the posts on this board and honestly feel bad for people here who are in a sexless marriage.
In my situation, though, I see that perhaps the person I am with may have a hand in situation.