I Live In A Sexless Marriage, Too!!!Sometimes I wonder, "how did it get this bad?" But, if I want to be completely honest with myself, I have to take some of the responsibility for this situation, also. It would be easy to just blame my wife because she has lost interest in sex, and I LOVE sex. It would be simple to chalk it up to the fact that she has a very low libido and I have a very high sex drive. I used to blame her. I was angry at her for a long time. I blamed her for my being lonely, feeling rejected, and yearning for intimacy. It was easy to do.
But I had to go through this so I could learn that I had to forgive myself and her. I had to forgive myself for having human weaknesses, and I had to forgive her for her human issues. We ALL have them because we are human beings and that is pert of our journey.
In reality, my wife is a very kind, loving and wonderful person. She is not "trying" to hurt me and she is not doing anything "to" me. She is just doing her best to make it through this life experience and do the best she can. If we are totally opposites when it comes to sexual interest, desire, and passion, then that is something we both have created. It is something neither of us wants and up until now, something neither of us is willing to change.
Well, I am now willing to change. I am going to do something about this. I still love her and respect her, so I am not going to try to hurt her, or get revenge on her, or cheat on her to prove I am right. I have talked with her and told her that she deserves to be loved and appreciated for who she is and she does not need to change. I told she is not wrong or a bad person for not wanting sex. And I really now believe this is true. It is no one's "fault". But, I also told her that I also deserve to be loved and understood. I deserve to be with One who loves me and wants me as much as I desire them. She agreed and we are at the end of our final "trial period" to see if we can save our marriage and be more compatible sexually.
So, right now, it appears that after 36 yrs of marriage, we are probably getting a divorce. I do not want to do this and neither does she, but neither of us wants to be unhappy anymore; nor do we wish to hurt the other in any way. I still sit here and wonder, however, "how did it get this bad?"