A Former Sm AddictOh yes I was wallowing in my SM because I felt that this was all I deserved. The misery and the pain. How hard I tried to get even an ounce of intimacy from my ex. How I deba
Now that I live a life with my husband who is like a walk in sunshine and love, I reread my stories and shake my head that I allowed myself to live such a painful life devoid of respect and human decency for years. Who in the hell was I back then? That woman is a stranger that I feel sorrow for. Not who I am now.
People get too comfortable with horrible situations. We fool ourselves into thinking if I only had more money, I could leave. Once the children are grown I can leave. He or she might change. I might suddenly become a man or woman that my partner will feel some desire for. All beautiful lies!
So in our addiction to a false hope we spend years in pain and anger hanging onto the fragile hope that there will be a magical awakening from our partners and we will be held and loved and have intimacy. Life is not like this! Reality is not like this!
We become addicted to what we wish for and not what is real. We become addicted to hope. People do not change!
I have read lately about people getting so desperate that they look for an open marriage. Joining sites that put them in contact with married people in similar situations who are looking for partners but keeping their shame marriages intact. No judgement here folks for I have also looked out of my SM for intimacy and affection but I was only fooling myself.
I found it impossible to live two lives. I had to make the hard choice to end my SM abusive marriage and move on. If I hadn't, I would be dead today. That simple. Many of you are not in my situation as I lived it a few years back. You are not living with a crazy person who intended to kill you.
Get your heads out of your behinds and make some decisions to have better lives. If you chose to have an affair be prepared for the consequences. Go for it. I have no judgement. If you chose to stay with a person who robs you of your self respect then do so. Your choice. We all own our decisions and the resulting consequences. Just think things through before you make any decisions and read here for there is a wealth of knowledge available.
I fooled myself for years thinking that my ex might change and become loving and respectful of me. Was I stupid back then! He was never going to change so I had to change. How I thought about myself. How I respected and loved myself. Once that happened for me I can draw a boundaries very quickly. No one is a part of my life who does not respect me! My Karma which constantly empowers me. You can accomplish the same thing but first of all, you have to respect yourself. Peace,D