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Learned Wisdom From An Old Gal

I have been a member of EP since 2008 and now consider myself as a member of the "old guard" due to life experiences and lessons learned over the past four years. The fact that I am a rather "old gal" in age also may bring these feelings about. It does affect me to read what pain people are going through in their lives and especially those who are my children's age.

I hope to be a mentor to others because this is the point of having life experiences. Having lived for twenty years in a SM does give me insight into the frustrations and hurt of rejection that so many of you are feeling. What good is knowledge if it is kept for ones self? My two children has disowned me from their lives and this fact is hard to bear but it will never stop me from sharing with anyone who seeks a word of kindness or advice.

SM was a part of my life for almost twenty years. That marriage came close to killing me and this is no exaggeration. I read so many stories here from younger people and I relate to everyone of them. You will find me popping up every now and then and offering comments. Perhaps this is my way of passing on what I have learned to others instead of my son and daughter? I just know that wisdom and life lessons are only learned to share with others. I want to make a difference. It is important to me.

From the age of a very young girl I knew that it was most important to be accepted by others simply for who I am. My husband and friends do this and I am grateful and humbled. My ex did not. My children do not. My lifelong sadness.

Whether you agree with what I write or find me objectionable, I would hope that my efforts make you think. There seems to be so much pain in this world and perhaps some of us can meet on common ground. It would be a kindness to me after all and I will always take the time to write from my heart and wisdom. Peace,D
dartist dartist 56-60, F 3 Responses Aug 18, 2012

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My children have chosen to disown me because my ex, their stepfather, chose to commit suicide instead of taking responsibility for his actions that led to the ending of the marriage. He filled my children with lies about me and there is now no way for me to call him to task for his lies. People so often sanctify the deceased as one must not speak ill of the dead. <br />
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I am left the "bad"person. If he was alive I could drag him by the neck to confront his lies. I am furious at this! He poisoned my relationships with my son and daughter and I have been left with no recourse. When I found out what he had told them I was devastated! Lie upon lie. How can I defend myself against a dead man? <br />
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My first thought when I found him in his room dead with the gun still in his hand was how could you do this? How many lives will be destroyed by your actions? His mother and sister. My two children, his stepchildren. He made so many promises to his sister and he left her bereft of any help for her drastic situation. And his mother? A woman bed fast due to a spinal injury. What a selfish act that would have dire consequences!<br />
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Over the past years I seriously thought about going out to the barn and throwing a rope over the rafters and ending my life. It got that bad as I lived in fear of this man for so long. I did not because my action would hurt those who loved me. Why would I hurt others with my pain? <br />
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Suicide is the most selfish act anyone can take! It destroys those left behind. I cannot feel any empathy for my ex husband because of this. I tried to get him to seek professional help but I could not. He refused any suggestions and I became numb as I was simply trying to survive. The abuse that I went through with this man almost destroyed me! He had planned on killing me too. It was only with my wits and survival instincts that I am now here to write about this. <br />
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Now my children despise me because my ex did not kill me too! I would have come out of this a saint if he had killed me along with himself! This is a lovely thought to live with! That I would be honored and love if I was dead. Peace,D

Yours is the second story in a row that talks about alienated children.<br />
Why have they disowned you?

People may disagree but that is not necessarily disagreeable. It is a bit simplistic, but it is not what you say, but the way that you put it. Suggestion rather than assertion. Empathy and sympathy rather than condescension. Sharing rather than instructing.<br />
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I am sure you will be welcomed by most.