Only One StepThe last time I wrote for this group was in March. You can read my previous stories but essentially my wife and I had left the situation as me needing to work on:
1) unilateral decision making, 2) impossible negotiations, 3) not honoring commitments, and 4) polite silence...I also added the point from another book. 5) Taking responsibility or decisiveness
and she needing to work on her weight and health and both of us needing to work on expessing emotions.
She claimed that she didn't work out because her work schedule wouldn't allow for trips to a gym and the ba
I committed to my own health at the same time.
Four months later:
My wife has used the eliptical trainer no more than six or eight times. It appears as though time is telling me that the reasons cited above were more excuse that anything.
I have worked out regularly and an interesting dynamic has developed. When I prepare to workout I get snide remark (in jest of course) about how I'm making her look bad.
Of the five points on #1 and #3. Number 5 is becoming more contentious. When I've offered suggestions instead of initially asking for her preferences (interpreted as not be decisive and wanting her to make the decisions) the suggestions are typically rejected. This puts me back in the situation of having to ask for her preferences.
Recently when I asked her for her preference, she asked why she has to decide. I responded that she is the one who seems to have specific preference. Expecting me to decide ba
I've also noticed that she seems to have given up even trying to work on her health. Even though she was overweight four months ago I would still envision an intimate sexual relationship. Recently I've noticed it is becoming more difficult to envision such a relationship.
Finally, my routine efforts to ex
Needless to say, it seems as though she's settled into a comfortable state of emotional numbness and that seems to suite her just fine.
I feel physically and spiritually stronger and have one other book recommendation...Intimacy and Desire by David Schnarch.
I don't know how this will end but so far the results aren't encouraging. For those of you inclined to say "told you so", I still stand by my plan because in the end, regardless of the outcome, I will feel I've done all I can.