The Cost Of A Sexless MarriageI have spent much time reading the stories on this thread, and I have been led to this conclusion: When one partner withholds sex, it costs the emotional intimacy of a relationship as well.
I feel that all too often people give the advice to 'live without it or get out," and shame the poster for (usually) HIS words. Why should anyone be shamed for desiring the most beautiful gift that two can share? It is the glue that holds couples together. (And please tell me why, when a woman complains, she is met with sympathy!?)
Now ladies (yes, I'm one of you), before you come after me please listen. I understand that we don't always have the time or energy to give to sex. Working full-time and taking care of the kids and the household can really place a physical and emotional toll on us. And, sometimes frankly, it just isn't that good to be worth it. By nature, most of us are very nurturing and give and give and give. I understand that at the end of the day you do not have much left to give your partner. You are all touched and emotioned (yes, I made up that word) out. But I also understand that I need emotional intimacy, and let's be honest, if I want my man to be emotionally intimate, I need to show him love through GOOD sex.
Back to the men (and women for that matter) who are feeling shamed for desiring sex to the point that it is costing them their marriage. You have a few choices (none of which are very good):
1. get out
2. do without
1. Well, we all know that getting out is easier said than done. We have the children, finances, family, and friends to deal with. Divorce does not only cost the two getting divorced; it affects everyone. It is not a decision to take lightly, so I have to poo-poo all that try to make it sound so simple.
2. To do without is laughable. The body is built to be touched. It has a desire (for most of us) to be stimulated and released of its tension. Sex was designed to allow for a deeper connection. And to have to do it alone again and again leaves one feeling empty.
3. Finally, option 3. How many of us living in a sexless marriage think of cheating on their spouse? I know many 'cheaters' who did not set out to cheat, but they were looking for something more. I do not believe that it was sex. I believe it was a connection. The emotional intimacy that we all crave.
So, now I am back to my original thought.... A sexless marriage has nothing to do with sex, and those who complain of a sexless marriage are not being selfish for their physical needs. Instead, they are desiring the intimacy that sex with the one you love brings.