The Ultimate Fu!I have been into the wine tonight and am letting go here folks. Been in a grief support group where I live and been listening to others in the group and remaining a bit quiet about my life as it is so dramatic. I do not want to take away from others pain at loss but I have wanted to scream out at what my life was like for years. Not the appropriate place to totally vent. I will go into individual counseling and let go at that point. Being respectful.
I am so angry! My ex shot himself in the family home that was under contract to be sold. This happened because of an injury I sustained in 2007. From that point on I lost the ability to work and we lived on credit cards due to my loss of income. I did manage to get a two day a week job taking care of an elderly woman to pay some bills but we got behind and had to file Chapter 13.
I had made a plan to leave this horror of a marriage that was sexless, loveless, and devoid of any compassion for my surgery and loss of income. My injury ended that so I had to regroup and try to work out the financial hardships.
My ex did everything during that time to alienate my children from me and he accomplished just that! It was only after my daughter wrote to me telling me what lies he filled my children with that I became aware of just how evil he was. He did such a good job that neither my son or daughter refuse to have a relationship with me at the present time and he was their stepfather!
My ex shot himself in his bedroom in the house that we had just sold. From that point on my life as been pure hell with my two children! Even the detective that responded to the 911 call advised me to leave the premises because he feared for my safety in direct relationship to what my children were saying about me! My own children said things to the police that put my well being in jeopardy! I was dumbfounded!
Never underestimate what your ex might do! My ex told me over and over that he found it appropriate to destroy anyone or thing that I loved if I left him. I refused to believe him because my mind does not work that way. He did a marvelous job and I am left cut off from my children and my grandchildren as as direct result of his actions.
Where do I go from here? I am lost. I now live with a wonderful husband who is loving and kind. I love our marriage and how easy it is to love one another but a huge part of my life is missing. I have written and made phone calls to my son and daughter and have been met with silence. What do I do now? A part of my heart has been ripped out. How can I make peace with this?
Do my children miss me?. I have grandchildren and am being denied any contact with them. How did the two children I loved and fought for and given to what they needed cast me aside? It breaks my heart.
I do not know if I am the extreme of living in a SM? I have no answers. The loss that I feel is so incredibly painful. I do not know what steps to take now. Should I close the door on my son and daughter or should I continue to try living on false hope?
I do not want anyone in this group to feel the pain of such rejection but we all have to be true to our hearts. Perhaps my story is an extreme. I hope so. My choice came down to death or life and I chose life. I do not regret that but it came at a price. A hard price but I pay my price for the alternative was my own demise. Peace,D