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Married To A Eunuch

I know it's rude and brutal to say so but, it's how I feel. I keep my feelings under wraps most of the time while I bide my time until I can discover a way to slip out unannounced with as little collateral damage as possible.

I recently discovered that there are many people, who live in different states for employment purposes etc. I also know that mine, at some level, does understand that the situation is unfair to me.

I don't want to divorce. This would only complicate things. The fact is that we are eternally bound by our children. I also don't want to bury the happy memories we had because I do love him. It's just that, in a whole sense, he is not a husband to me any longer.

amithecrazyone amithecrazyone 46-50, F 5 Responses Aug 20, 2012

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You are right in your assesment. At some point he ceased being a husband and became your roomate. Its very easy for people to suggest you leave but i can resonate with your feelings of staying for the kids. <br />
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In time and reading all the stories here you will eventually make up your mind on a final decision. You just haven't had enough of the BS yet.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Thank you for being tough, kind and genuine

You want to slip out unannounced, and you also don't want to divorce.<br />
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What you are saying is that you don't want to make a choice. <br />
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Thing is, you HAVE made a choice. You have chosen to stay.<br />
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You don't get a pass on choice. No-one does.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I have appreciated your wisdom. But, let's break it down a different way. Ideally, Marriage is a contract for both personal intimacy and financial unity. If personal intimacy breaks down than the parties are still left with the other parts of the contract ( i.e.all financial/parental obligations) I intend to honor these parts of the contract. It's just that at some point, I hope to find intimacy with another partner. I have also come to believe that in my case, the age difference between my husband and me is the major reason for our issues.

We are very much on the same page here. Your assessment of the financial and parental obligations have lead you to the choice to stay. That's your choice. I got no issue with that at all. My prior readings of your stories indicated to me that you were simply adopting an inert position, thinking you were avoiding the obligation of choice. At some time in the future, when and if new factors come in to play, you may well choose differently.

You mention inertia that, and death, is exactly what I am afraid of! I am keenly aware that my life with a partner has been slipping away. The longer that this situation persists the less likely that a reward including happy and secure children as well as financial security will make up for the personal loss. I am afraid that most of us have a tendency to lull ourselves into believing that, at some point, a cosmic event will resolve the situation. As of yet, I haven't set sail but, I think that I am going to and I know my destination - I am wondering whether the creation of a timeline might help me. One needs to measure progress, especially when the work is unpleasant.

sounds familiar

If sex is immature then roll on a second childhood. Only as and when deemed appropriate of course.<br />
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:-)

You will be eternally bound by children regardless of whether you are married to the parent of your child.

That's an interesting response mvcmvc.
It's true.