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Feeling Very Sad.

I found this site after googling Sexless Marriages. I have been married to my husband for nearly five years. This is the second marriage for both of us. To begin with the sex was frequent and fantastic and there were lots of displays of affection. That all stopped the day I found out I was pregnant. Our daughter is now 31/2 and we have sex approximately once a month, when we do have sex it is amazing. I had a Tubal Ligation so there is no fear of falling pregnant again and he adores our daughter.

To the outside world it appears that my husband dotes on me and he leads people to believe that our sex life is fantastic. It's not. I am always the initiator. I used to try 3-4 times a week but got so tired of the constant rejection that I gave up. If I try to kiss him he will often put his hands up defensively in front of his face and then pretend he was just joking. When I get upset he tells me not to be so thin skinned. I have talked with him and told him that I feel unloved and lonely and that I feel really hurt by our diminished sex life and his lack of affection. I have had the talks when I was calm, I did shed a few tears but I didn't do it in anger.

When he thinks that there is no chance I will say yes (ie. if I am sick or our daughter is sick and in our room) he will make advances but then when I say yes he dodges it. Last night I said good night after I had my shower and he started kissing me and said "I'll be in soon, wait for me baby." I waited for 45 minutes but he didn't come to bed. When I got up to see what was taking him so long he was asleep in front of the TV. I just left him (in the past I have tried to wake him up and he just gets cranky). When he did come to bed at 1am I woke up and was ready to go but he said "Not now it is really late and I need to be up early." I feel so deflated after this happens and I always think to myself "I will not get my hopes up." but I always do.

He is a good man in other ways. He works hard and is a great provider. I am not going to leave him because I do not want my daughter to go through a divorce and the pain of shared visitation. I did that in my first marriage and I hated it. I have considered taking a lover but at heart I am a very faithful person and I don't think I would be able to do it. I would like to be able to stay in this relationship and feel content with friendship but it is very hard and I feel incredibly sad.
missingaffection missingaffection 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 20, 2012

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Same here, if we don't have kids together, I would've left long time ago. My husband seems to think that we have no marriage issue but yet we lost intimacy and emotional connection. We don't communicate anymore and we're not sharing feelings anymore. We also sleep in separate beds now. Can't wait for him to leave for one year this Dec so we can have another fresh start.

Just some thoughts. My wife also had a tubol pregnancy and miss-carried. Luckily no damage although very painful and we did have one more child after that. But I felt like I hurt her. Even though neither of us had anything to do with the issue. So talk to your husband and ask him if he may be afraid to hurt you again. Explain the system have him meet the doctor. talk it out and give it a try. you are in a fairly fresh marriage. worth a shot. Enjoy your journey.

He won't see a doctor. He really doesn't think there is anything wrong. He says he has a healthy sexual appetite but there is just always a "reason" why he doesn't feel like it. I have tried talking and being as open and honest as I can but he just continues to believe that he doesn't have a problem and neither does our marriage.