Expecting Overweight Wife To Change Turned Into A Sexless MarriageShame on me, I should have known better. There's a lot of truth to the saying you can't expect to change someone. My frustration stems not from a change I tried to implement, but promises and reassurances my wife gave me. Since we started dating she often mentioned how she wanted to get in shape so I knew she is aware of the problem, but talk is where it stops, any attempt at losing weight fizzles within a couple weeks. I have always told her how much I love her, and given her loving encouragement any time she tries to better herself. I have been with this woman for 9 years, married for 4 and last night for the first time I openly confronted her about my unhappiness and put it out there, that if things do not change I am not sure how much longer I can stay in this marriage.
Intimacy at the beginning of our relationship was not a problem, but that's pretty typical when things are starting out. Everything is new and exciting. At the 3 year point in our dating relationship I struggled with this same issue and almost convinced myself to leave her. In the end I was so madly in love with this woman that I couldn't even think about living a life without her. Well its been 6 years since then and I can say we have a great life together, a nice house, no kids, both luckily and gainfully employed. I essentially have the worlds best roommate. While that's great to have in a marriage, its not enough for me. Call me selfish, but I need passion and physical love and intimacy. The problem now is I am just not attracted to her body as it is. And its not like she "let herself go" its been that way all along. So I'm not oblivious that my attitude changing is one half of this intimacy problem. Over all this time I've been supportive, loving and encouraged her in any weight loss topic she would bring up. I take care of myself so she can have a good looking husband and was hopeful she would try to reciprocate my actions. When that hasn't happened resentment started to build in my heart and passionate thoughts began to go away.
Once the resentment and anger began, Over the course of the first 3 years of our marriage, the intervals went from near daily, to couple times a week, to maybe once a month, to some indefinite time in the future. I know too that she carries resentment that I don't want her more, and I understand, I would feel the same in her shoes. But honestly as much as I want to be physical I just don't often get excited at the thought of being with her anymore. I'm not a Cheater and would end things before even starting them with someone else, but the frustrating part is I'd rather just be with my wife at a healthy weight, I don't want to be with someone else. But I am so depressed, tired, exhausted with the current situation that I don't know what to do anymore. My hopes are that someone here may be able to share their experience and help me get through mine.