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So Frustrated

My husband and I have been married for a year but together for three. In the beginning of our relationship, as most relationships, things were great. One of the main reasons I committed to him and stopped dating was the sex. It was amazing and it was all the time. As time went on, he displayed a lot of insecurity and jealousy and held on to every single little incident in his mind. He attributes his " thoughts" as to why he isn't as interested in having sex with me anymore. I'm pregnant now and of course much more interested in sex but most times he declines or I have to initiate and its not very long lasting or as satisfying. Other than the sex, he's a great husband. I have expressed my issue, but he brings up the past all the time saying it not easy for him to get past. I don't know what to do.
Laila99 Laila99 26-30, F 5 Responses Aug 21, 2012

Your Response


None of this has ANYTHING to do with his age so there is nothing to "factor" in here (that is just another excuse to let him get away with crap). If anything he has more years underneath his belt and ought to be even more cooperative within the context of marriage. He has a beautiful wife 11 years his junior in age and in your age group that means he might not even be 40!<br />
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How many times has be been married?<br />
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He reads unable to deal with life and cannot get past grudges so he withdraws intimacy to punish you.<br />
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Now there is a child coming into the mix and life is going to get even messier.<br />
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If you can get him into counselling might try that.<br />
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If he refuses you have you answer as to where he stands.

He's never been married. He's 40 so I guess he's stuck in his ways at this point. I love him and am not seeking anything else, but it's hard to not feel desired and always has irrelevant events from the past brought up as reasons for lack of intimacy when it causes an arguement.

Yes, he is stuck in his ways of working through relationship problems if he has never had to deal with them or was able to avoid dealing with the problems of marriage by remaining unmarried.

At this point, I'm trying to figure out what's important. He helps me a lot with my disabled parent who we had to move into the home we share, as well as the fact he's otherwise very attentive and affectionate. There is an 11 year age gap between us so I'm trying to factor that in as well. I'm just so frustrated and confused.

Your husband is a troubled man. He is already withholding sex and holding grudges, after ONLY 3 years??!? You are still in the early part of life together, and he's already having problems handling his anger and resentments. If he continues this way, you are going to have a miserable marriage.<br />
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Please find a marriage counselor near you, and start learning together about how to communicate and have fair fights. He needs to learn that he can have an argument with you, but still love you anyway. This is a basic skill of marriage.

What LovelyAlone just said. All of it.

Absolutely well said.

dont make that affect your life there is more than that in marriage look around you no him better than any one else what was making him to want to have you more and more .sometimes we women drive the men away you have all it takes to make him be active as he used to be.Try to involve him in good better activities and avoid quarrels with him as much as possible so that he does not bring the past to the present try to make him understand that the past adds no value to the present.<br />
Pray for him its very important.<br />
All the best and l hope things works for you

And if you can't blame the woman, blame it on anyone else. Infact, why chance missing the target: blame the whole world and the universe therein. Oh, and let's not forget God. It's his fault too.

So you have come here with the view that everything is great bar the sex. Keep reading on here. You will soon realise that the lack of sex is the first indicator that all is not so well.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck