I Try Only To Be Verbally AttackedEvery once in a while I try for various reasons to show a little tenderness. Maybe I believe it'll get better. Something happened yesterday that I need to just tell someone or I'll go crazy. While it's my side of the story I am truly trying to be fair.
We were watching a little TV. I was just coming back from the kitchen I bent down before sitting on the sofa and kissed my wife on the neck then moved to the other side when her arm came up and literally pushed me aside. "Stop that" she said. I sat in my spot trying to act unconcerned as she was saying "Now you're going to mope for the next 24 hours hours" and went into the kitchen herself.
I was thinking why do I even try to show any affection while looking as though the TV show intrigued me. A few minutes later my wife came back in and just unloaded on me. "I hate it when you kiss me like that!, You only care about yourself and don't even think about how I feel"!
Her face was so intense, she was really mad not just upset. Honestly, I was caught very off guard while she continued for another minute blast away at me. She wanted me to say something. I found myself apologizing in order to just make peace. Finally I had the courage to speak up and say what was really on my mind. "I cant believe you said that to me, that was just very cruel. I was just trying to show you a little affection"!
"Have I ever liked to be kissed like that? You don't appreciate how much I try to please you!" etc.. things got quiet as we watched the rest of the TV show. Maybe what I said made her think. Later that evening as we got ready for bed she unloaded again. Basically, she was thinking I wanted sex earlier. Last weekend, she offered because so many weeks had gone by and I refused her advances. Role reversal! She was really made about that. Who wants sex with someone that doesn't invest themselves into the act? Not me, not any more. My wife doesn't have a clue that sex is so much more than the physical. get it over with asap is her motto. Foreplay is timed because I see her watching the clock. Back to last night.
She expanded her views saying I didn't think about care about how she felt. This wasn't a new concept to me. Since I already know she can't or won't respond to me I'm not suppose to show any physical affection. Why? because it makes her feel bad. Tonight she didn't feel bad, she just just mad. Huge difference! Mad enough that she jumped out of bed and slept in the guest room. All I could think was what the F*** was going on! The thing she said was "Why don't you go out and find yourself who wants sex all the time"!
At 4:45 am this morning I noticed she got back into our bed. That didn't last long. She got up and went downstairs to read or something. At 5:30 the alarm sounded and I got up and went downstairs as if nothing really happened. I poured myself a cup of coffee and saw her watch some TV. She turned it off and I sat down next to her. The first thing she said was she was wrong . (This never happens so I was a bit surprised).
Then she immediately goes back to this past weekend. She told me she was still upset. Sunday morning after my refusal we were actually cuddling a little and she said I could have made a move then and she probably would have joined in. My reply was why? I've learned to protect myself from rejection by never making a true overture. Her face showed anger and held her temper almost in check. I'll give her credit for that.
So we're sort of right back where we were before. My wife is right about one thing. Discussions about sex is a minefield for us. To me its not about sex, its about physical intimacy and personal connection. There is no middle ground for her, no willingness for compromise. She's waiting for me to change. I'm waiting for her to change. Please don't simply say I should just leave her. There's too much history. I'm exposing myself here so please keep any comments to the kinder side.